The Trial
by Zaney HacknSlash
Summary: As the boys travel, they learn that the past can come back to haunt you when you're least expecting it, so hold on tight to the present. Hakkai pov
1. Chapter 1

**For LePetitErik—because you're awesome**

The Trial

The Jeep rattled along the road, bouncing over dips and swerving on humps, and the sun setting in the west had turned golden orange, stinging my eyes, but I smiled just the same and said, "This road needs mending, don't you think?"

Beside me, Sanzo merely huffed. In the back, the others were both sprawled across the seats, Gojyo with his head tilted back, and Goku slumped forward with his cheek nestled against his arm. For most of the day, they'd raged and laughed like always, and like always, their energy had worn out some time after we'd stopped to have lunch. For a few hours, they'd murmured to each other. They'd gotten a second wind a few hours ago, and now they'd declined into utter silence, so I assumed they'd fallen asleep. Without Goku to whine over his hunger or Gojyo to instigate a conflict with one of the others, Sanzo and I had resigned ourselves to the peacefulness of the drive.

Of course, that didn't mean other difficulties hadn't arisen.

"You're driving a little slow," Sanzo remarked, but without his usual impatience. The solitude had obviously done its part to put him in a mellow disposition.

"Oh, yes, you're right."

"Tired?"

"Mm, a bit," I allowed with a smile.

"Well, are we going to come to a town soon, or should we stop and make camp?"

"Ah, as to that…I can't say."

He shot me a questioning look. "Can't say? Why not?"

I laughed, wondering how angry he'd be. "I'm afraid, Sanzo, I'm not absolutely sure where we are."

Without looking at him, I knew the way his brow furrowed and his amethyst eyes darkened and the scowl that marred his mouth. " _What_? We're _lost_?"

"Oh, I wouldn't say lost particularly. As you can see, we're still on the road to the west, and as long as we stay the course we'll reach Houtou Castle. Eventually."

In the back, I heard Gojyo emit a low chuckle and echo quietly, "Eventually."

I smiled all the more.

Sanzo growled, "But you don't know where we are."

"Not precisely, no. You may have noticed there isn't much around us to indicate our exact location on the map. I only have the vaguest idea as to where we are."

He continued to glare at me, completely unsatisfied.

I went on as if I didn't notice, gesturing mildly to the wild land around us. "For instance, these are plains, and we're coming to a forest." Ahead of us, the trees were looming and dark in the light of the setting sun. "None of that is on the map. So my guess concerning where we are is as good as your own."

Shaking his head, he looked straight ahead again.

Goku sat up suddenly, rubbing his eyes and moaning, "Nnnn… Guys. I'm hungry."

"Big surprise," Gojyo grumbled, still staring up at the sky.

"When're we gonna get ta eat? Are we close to a town?"

Sanzo replied bitingly, "Hakkai's gotten us lost."

I glanced in the mirror at Goku, found him staring at me with a look of bewilderment. "Ya did? How?"

"We're not lost," I corrected lightly. "I just don't know where we are."

"That's the same thing!" he whined.

"Now, now, there's no reason to be alarmed, Goku. In the morning, we'll get our bearings."

"But what're we gonna eat tonight?!"

"We have our supplies, of course."

"Canned crap an' bottled water!"

"Don't be so spoiled, monkey," Gojyo admonished under his breath. "How the hell're you gonna make it all the way to India, acting like such a brat?"

"We'll see who's whining when he hasn't fucked a prostitute in a few days," Sanzo grumbled, likely out of sheer agitation.

Gojyo finally sat up too, glaring at Sanzo, and I felt sure another shouting match was about to begin.

Instead, my room mate suddenly lurched to his feet, bracing himself against the back of my seat.

I glanced up at him, trying not to take my focus off the road entirely. "What are you doing?"

He didn't answer me. I could only get a glimpse of his face in the hurried look I shot him, but I noticed he was staring very hard at something in the distance.

I followed his gaze, expecting to see a horde of enemies rushing toward us, but there was nothing. The sweeping hills were low and lonely, looking blue in the light of the setting sun, and the cool air smelled clean. I saw no sign of life, other than a ramshackle building sitting a few hundred yards from the road, but it looked utterly abandoned, with rotting, grayed wood, and broken windows. It was difficult to determine whether it had once been a domicile or some sort of barn.

"What's that?" Goku demanded, glancing from the structure and then to Gojyo's face.

"It appears to be an ordinary shack," I said, turning to the road again, just in time to swerve around a large pothole.

Gojyo stayed standing though, still staring hard at the ruins, and even after we'd passed it he craned his neck around to watch it fade into the distance. The other two watched also, obviously expecting something of interest to emerge from the doorway, but when it became clear that the shanty held no intrigue for anyone other than Gojyo, they turned to raise their eyebrows at him instead.

"What's the matter with you?" Sanzo demanded.

Gojyo took a drag off his cigarette and sat down uneventfully, with nothing more than a glib, "Nothin', man."

I looked in the mirror at him, but he turned his head away. Purposely? His expression had returned to normal, and I shrugged the matter off. It wasn't like Gojyo to show interest in architecture of any sort, but I supposed it wasn't impossible for the old building to have simply caught his attention.

We drove on, entering now into the woods. I turned on the headlights, and soon Goku resumed his chatter. "So where're we gonna sleep tonight? We gonna camp?"

"Unless we reach a town unexpectedly."

"Ya don't know if we will?"

"No, I'm afraid I don't, Goku," I replied patiently. "Seeing how I don't know exactly where we are. For all I know, a town could be just through these trees."

As soon as I'd spoke, a sign came into view. The wood looked a bit splintery, and the words which might have once been neatly painted was somewhat chipped, but it was still perfectly eligible. "Ah, there you see? _ Town, three miles. That's not far at all." I smiled. "What good—"

Gojyo got up again suddenly, "Stop the car, Hakkai."

He said it with such urgency I slammed instinctively on the brake, assuming he must be having some sort of emergency which would require my immediate attention. Even as the others jerked forward, yelping, I whipped around in the seat to inspect him, but I saw no sign of blood illness.

"What in the world's the matter?" I asked, still somewhat alarmed.

Gojyo stepped up on the edge of the Jeep and jumped out easily, pacing over to the side of the road. His body language looked somewhat stiff, but his voice sounded infinitely calm. "Hey… This is a good spot to set up camp, huh? Why don't we just stop here tonight?"

Confused, I scanned the area, but I saw nothing but gloomy trees, and I heard wild animals calling in the distance. The ashy grass shuddered in the moaning night wind, and there wasn't as much as a clearing to bed down in.

Sanzo got his bearings and adjusted his robes, and in the back Goku rubbed his head, which he must have hit against Sanzo's seat. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Sanzo demanded, all the composure he'd had not five minutes ago utterly gone. "Why the hell would we stop here?"

"It's as good a spot as any," Gojyo said, still with that strange tone of serenity.

"But…" Goku spoke lowly, like he either felt insecure to make a mistake, or as if Gojyo might not understand the words. "There's a town. That's what the sign said. Yeah, Hakkai?"

"It did," I agreed. "It makes no sense to stop here when there's a town within walking distance. There isn't even a clear spot to make a fire."

Gojyo shrugged. "We could sleep in the car. We do that a lot."

"A _lot_ ," Sanzo emphasized. "Too much."

"Yeah, but why waste money on rooms at an inn, and food at a restaurant when we could just sleep here?"

One by one, the three of us looked at each other, and both their faces bore the same expressions of utter confusion that I knew was on mine.

I took it upon myself to clarify the matter. " _You_ don't want to go into town and eat a hot meal, drink a cold beer, bed a woman, and sleep between clean sheets? _You_?"

Gojyo didn't falter in the least. "Yeah, no. Why should we? It's a waste of money, isn't it?"

I blinked at him out of the utter absurdity of it. "Yes, but the town is in _walking_ distance. We could _walk_ there if we liked. We're on a journey of considerable difficulty, and—"

Sanzo blustered into the conversation. "You stupid bastard, just get back in the car. You almost got my head busted open against the windshield for _this_ shit?"

"Yeah!" Goku yelled, sounding rather irritated himself. "Why should we eat crap outta cans when we can go into town an' eat there? We sleep in the back of the car _all_ the time, just like ya said!"

"Please," I interrupted, before either of them could go on. "Would you mind not cutting in like that? Honestly, you two. Where are your manners?"

` Sanzo leveled a look of outrage on me, but I merely returned my attention to Gojyo. "Rudeness aside, they do have several worthy points, Gojyo. It doesn't make sense to stop here for the night."

Gojyo insisted, "I just feel like it's a better idea."

"Well, why? It defies logic."

He held my gaze a moment before looking away, he scuffed once at the ground with the toe of his boot and scraped at his hair, all actions characteristic of some level of some insecurity, but he mumbled, "No good reason, I guess…"

I frowned. "Really?"

I heard Sanzo inhale and open his mouth, obviously intending to berate Gojyo again, but I shot him a reproachful look. "Would you mind, Sanzo? We really are attempting to have a discussion, he and I."

"I don't hear any discussion," Sanzo muttered under his breath. "I hear a bunch of nonsense."

Ignoring him, I looked once again at my room mate, but he still refused to meet my eyes. "I just feel like camping," he explained with a feeble shrug, and a subtle tone of anxiety. "I guess."

"Yes, of course. The wild nature of freedom experienced on an impromptu camping trip calls to us all, occasionally," I agreed, doing my best not to let myself be overly sarcastic. "However, currently we're not on a camping trip, we're on a mission, and we may not always have the opportunity to sleep in a bed." My annoyance got rather the best of me near the end, and I added, "Why should the three of us sleep in the cold over some nonsensical whim of yours?"

Gojyo froze in the midst of lifting a cigarette to his lips. He seemed to think a moment before finally looking up at me. Our gazes locked, and we stared at each other a while, and then, reluctantly, he nodded and climbed back into the Jeep.

As soon as he was seated, Goku punched him in the arm. "What's wrong with you, buttface? I hit my head on the seat an' ev'rything!"

It took Gojyo a moment to react. He rubbed his arm, glaring at Goku. "It's not my fault Hakkai slammed on the brakes like that."

"Actually, it is," Sanzo growled.

"How?!"

"Because," I pressed the accelerator and we tore off again. The three of them slammed back into their seats again. "You asked me to stop the car."

Gojyo argued, "Since when do you do anything I ask you to?"

I laughed. "Oh, all the time. You just don't usually notice."

He had nothing to say to that. In fact, he was quiet for the rest of the drive.

No matter though, it didn't take more than a few minutes to reach the town. It was a tiny place, and quite sleepy. Most of the shops were already closing by the time we cruised down the main drag, and the buildings were close together. The people didn't seem especially friendly either. They gave us suspicious looks as we passed and whispered to each other. I assumed they were wary of travelers due to the times of chaos in which we were all living.

"It should be easy enough to find accommodations for the night in a place this small," I said brightly.

"What about food?" Goku demanded. "Food? D'ya think they have good food?"

I reassured him, smiling into the mirror. "Of course. Little places like this always have the best food."

"We're not gonna stay long, right?" Gojyo asked.

It was an odd question, and his voice was filled with latent uncertainty, so I looked in the mirror at him, but he refused to notice.

"Don't be such an idiot," Sanzo answered gruffly. "We're leaving in the morning, the way we always do."

"It's late afternoon," I added. "I should think we'll only be here a little more than twelve hours, and we'll sleep through most of it."

"What'dya have against it anyway?" Goku wondered.

Gojyo hesitated to drag on his cigarette and mumbled, "It's a shitty-looking town. I doubt there're any good-looking women."

"Earlier," I noted, "you were content to go without any women whatsoever."

He had nothing to say to that, and I pulled up in front of a two story building made out of white-painted wood. A small sign hanging above the door proclaimed it Mama's Bed and Breakfast.

"This looks perfect," I commented with a smile. "A few cozy rooms, a home-cooked meal, feather beds, and we're off in the morning. I'm sure we'll be able to stock up on supplies in the market tomorrow as well, don't you think, Sanzo?"

Sanzo inclined his head absently, and I killed the engine.

Goku, Sanzo and I piled out, but Gojyo stayed sitting in the back seat, stubbornly. "Maybe I'll just wait here while you check in," he said.

Again, we all turned a quizzical look on him.

"Beg your pardon? Why?"

He gave me another nondescript shrug.

"That hardly makes sense," I told him, and at this point I was losing some patience.

"I'm smoking. I better just stay outside a minute."

Sanzo and I exchanged a look.

"Since when d'ya care about _that_?" Goku demanded.

"It's a small place," Gojyo mumbled. "Don't wanna bother anybody."

"Nonsense." I caught his arm, lifting him up out of his seat and pulling him out of the car. "You're acting quite out of character this evening. Sanzo will be smoking inside, so what does it matter?"

"I challenge anyone to stop me," Sanzo added broodingly.

Gojyo thrust his hands into his pockets, grumbling under his breath, and followed me into the inn.

I paused to let Goku and Sanzo to precede us so I could question my room mate with a touch more privacy. "You _are_ acting odd. I hope nothing's the matter." I remembered the way he'd ordered me to stop the car, frantically almost. It wasn't like him to be so demanding, and it wasn't often one of his demands sounded so serious I felt compelled to take heed of it.

"Everything's cool," he said, with the same forced calm I'd heard in his tone earlier, but now it was beginning to sound a bit strained.

I hesitated to study his face, to see if he'd change his mind, or if his expression would give anything away, but I found myself looking at his poker face, making it impossible to learn anything. I nodded, and led the way inside.

Mama's Bed and Breakfast was as rustic and cozy as the name suggested. Everything was paneled with dark wood, and a plushy rug spread across the center of the floor. In the corner stood an arrangement of oak furniture with magazines and a bookshelf, and the check-in counter was spic and span, but no one was at it. All in all, the place didn't seem to be very busy.

"I suppose we won't have much trouble finding a vacancy." I glanced around with interest. On the right, the lobby opened up into a quaint breakfast room with a single dinner table, and on the left, a narrow staircase led to the upstairs. A hall beside the counter led to the bath.

Sanzo approached the counter and rang the bell there, and stood scowling as he waited for service. I noticed a small sign sitting to the side that read no smoking, so I nudged his arm and pointed to it, and then I turned to Gojyo to tell him he may as well put his out as well, but he already had, and he was hanging back with his face averted.

Before I could comment, Goku jostled against me. "D'ya think they serve dinner here? I'm so hungry!"

"Oh, I doubt it," I said with a laugh. "After all, it's a bed and breakfast. We'll have to dine somewhere else tonight."

"I want seafood!"

"They're not going to have very good seafood in a place like this," Sanzo snorted, and he rang the bell three more times.

A man emerged from the office behind the counter, smiling warmly. He was rather old, with a gray beard and round glasses. "Oh, good evening. I'm sorry, gentlemen, I didn't hear you come in."

Goku stared curiously at him. "You're not a woman."

The man squinted back at him. "I'm sorry?"

"It says it's Mama's bed an' breakfast. Where's she? Is she cooking dinner?"

"Goku," I admonished, laying a hand on his arm. "Don't be so forward, please. That's merely the name of the place."

The gentleman laughed heartily though. "No harm done. My wife's around, young man. We don't normally serve dinner to the guests, but I can recommend a good tavern for you once you've checked in." he produced a registry book. "If one of you wouldn't mind filling this paperwork out, we can get you settled immediately." His good natured gaze traveled through our party, scrutinizing us each in turn and beaming that professionally paternal sort of smile one expects of such a man.

I stepped forward, reaching for the pen. "Yes, Ojii-san. I'll handle that, if you don't mind."

However, as I leaned over the counter to register, I heard the old man gasp and murmur under his breath, "No… It can't be."

I glanced up at him, but he stared past me, eyes popping, mouth hanging open.

I looked over my shoulder to see if some undesirable had come through the door, but no one was there aside from my three companions.

"You," the old man cried, tone turning surely towards outrage. "You… How dare you come in here? How dare you…?" The words caught in his throat, and his beard quivered with fury. He seemed too angry to even speak.

My friends and I looked at each other. I tried to placate the man. "Ojii-san, is something the—"

He cut across me, shouting, "Get out of here! Get out of here! You plague! You _abomination!_ " And he spat on the floor.

My own jaw dropped. I faced my room mate.

He turned away silently and went back outside, shutting the door behind him.

Several moments passed, and no sound was made outside of the old man's rough breathing. I felt almost too stunned to react. Every now and then, this sort of thing was bound to happen, and I had always been determined to correct any offender by whatever means necessary, but seeing Gojyo leave without so much as word left me unable to move. It wasn't like him.

The other two must not have known what to do either, for they stayed quiet too.

At last, the old man coughed and gushed, his cheeks red, and his expression looked decidedly flustered, "For-forgive me, gentlemen. I…that…he…I wasn't expecting… Go ahead and register," he added hurriedly. "We have a nice pair of rooms open at the moment."

"No," I answered coldly, thrusting the pen back into his trembling hand. "I think we'll find another place to stay tonight." I looked at Sanzo. He was smoking again, and he nodded.

"We'll definitely find another place to stay tonight," he confirmed.

"Come, come, now, gentlemen," the old man wheedled. "This is the finest bed and breakfast in town. The others are seedy and ill-kempt."

"This place reeks," Sanzo declared a bit louder. "I couldn't possibly sleep in such a shitty place."

"Yeah," Goku agreed, sounding less calm. "I bet your food sucks too. An' you're a jerk."

The man blinked and looked at him. "A jerk? But don't you realize…?"

"We've realized enough," I said decidedly, and turned to leave.

We found Gojyo outside with Jeep, leaning with both hands planted firmly on the hood, head bowed, as if he were trying to get himself together, but as soon as he heard us approach he straightened up and turned to us, grinning. "Man. What an asshole, huh?"

The three of us gathered around him.

"Ya just scared him with your ugly face," Goku said. "Ya scare _me_ with your ugly face all th' time."

Gojyo laughed. "Look who's talking. With that monkey mug of yours, you're never gonna get laid."

"Will too!"

"Let's go," I directed quietly.

"Go?" Gojyo gave me a puzzled look. "Go where? You guys can still stay here, that's all right."

"Why would we do such a thing?"

"It's a nice place—better than the other places… I bet it's the nicest place in town."

"What in the world are you going to do?"

"Camp, I guess. I wanted to anyway."

"Shut up," Sanzo said. "That waste of skin doesn't run _every_ inn this town has to offer. We'll just take our business elsewhere." He got back into the passenger's seat.

Goku hopped in also.

Gojyo just shook his head, smiling strangely. "Seriously, guys. It's no big deal. I'll just sleep under the stars tonight and meet you in the morning."

"Oh, I doubt that's a good idea." I got into the car as well, struggling to mimic his levity. "Kougaiji's assassins are never far away, are they?"

My room mate stayed where he was, in front of the car, still shaking his head.

I looked seriously at him. "Aren't you getting in?"

He sighed and came around to climb in behind me, and we rolled forward.

Upon arriving at the second inn, Gojyo once again refused to go in with us, and thanks to what had just occurred, I didn't argue with him, but Goku stayed behind as well while Sanzo and I handled the check-in. As the old man had warned, this inn was considerably less pleasant than his. The bare floors were un-swept, the windows were grimy, and the woman running the counter acted somewhat rudely, warning us, unabashedly, that the place hosted rats and cockroaches, but she didn't seem surprised when Sanzo said we wanted two rooms. "Can't afford Mama's?" she asked with a sly smile. "Old Man Teiji charges a fortune for that dollhouse."

"He's rather a straightforward person, isn't he?" I asked distractedly, surveying the filthy place with some anxiety. I hoped the beds at least were clean.

"He's a perfect gentleman," she corrected with a cackle. "I guess that's why he thinks he can charge so much."

I finished filling out the registry, Sanzo and I went upstairs to inspect the rooms. They weren't particularly clean, and I did see a rat scuttle under the bed as I opened the door, but they'd have to do.

Sanzo drew a deep breath. "Stinks."

"Camping is still an option," I reminded him softly.

"Let these disgusting people scare us off?" He turned to me with a frown.

"Well…we certainly can't win them all…"

"If you're worried about Gojyo, don't. Bastard's got thick skin."

"That's true, but…he shouldn't have to…"

Sanzo sighed. "With any luck, that old shit is the only one who'll notice him."

"And without that luck? It's rather a small place, Sanzo."

He shook his head. "We'll figure that out if we have to. For now, let's just feed the monkey so he'll shut up."

We returned outside to find Goku and Gojyo missing, and my heart thrilled with momentary panic before we found them lingering in the alleyway, partially hidden by a black shadow. Goku was prattling on about food, and Gojyo watched the crowd mosey by with unusual wariness.

"What are you bastards hiding over here for?" Sanzo demanded. "Come on, we're going to find a restaurant."

"Doesn't the inn serve food?" Goku asked earnestly.

"I highly doubt you'd want anything they might have to offer, Goku," I told him, and we ventured up the street.

Goku darted around, pointing out places to eat and shops he found interesting, but most of them were closed, and he got frustrated in a while, so Sanzo had to scold him and calm him down. Gojyo stayed unnaturally silent, and I walked beside him, trying to think of something to say. Part of me wanted to apologize, but I knew I wasn't responsible for the disgusting way that man had treated him. In passing, I said, "You know, I'm sure no one else will notice. That man's very old… Most humans don't recognize…that is, they don't know what red hair and eyes signify."

Gojyo continued facing straight ahead, and a strange frown was beginning to encroach on his normally laidback expression. "What the fuck do you know, Hakkai?" he asked bitingly.

His hostile tone caught me off guard, and I raised my eyebrows at him. "Well, nothing. But I can only hope not everyone in this town is as rude and despicable as he was."

"And what if they are?"

I pondered that.

"What if everyone in this town hates me?"

"I don't see why they would."

He laughed bitterly and jerked on his hair, hatefully.

"Gojyo…don't let that terrible individual bother you. No one's opinion in this whole town really matters, does it?"

He shook his head stiffly.

By that time, Goku had chosen a small tavern that still had a few hours before close, likely because the handwritten sign outside advertised fresh sashimi, and we slipped inside.

It was a dim environment, much more bar-like than like restaurant like. Blue smoke hung heavily in the air, and most of the people around us looked thick and unwelcoming. Gojyo slipped in behind me and chose a booth at the very rear of the room, where he sat with his back to all the other patrons. The three of us let him have his way, even though it wasn't where any of us would have chosen to sit, and then he hunched down in his seat, keeping his face turned away and his hand pressed against it, obviously nervous to be recognized.

I sat down next to him, Sanzo and Goku crammed into the seat across from us, and the three of us proceeded to talk as if we didn't notice Gojyo's discomfort. The waitress came, and Goku rattled off a list of dishes he wanted, and Sanzo and I discussed our route and how we might be able to get back on track since I'd gotten us lost, we perused our menus and commented on which dishes might be best in a place like this, we ordered and ate our food, and watched Goku have dessert, and waited for Sanzo to finish his beer, and all the while Gojyo hardly said a word. He ate quickly and shoved his plate away, and then he, by all appearances, played a game where he pretended he was somewhere else entirely, staring fixedly at the grainy wall beside him.

When we had finally finished, Sanzo went to pay the bill, and Goku went with him.

I studied my room mate intently, even though he wasn't showing me anything other than the back of his head. His behavior was beginning to worry me. Normally, under such circumstances, he'd hold his head up high and tromp through town brazenly, daring anyone to say anything to him about his origin. It wasn't like Gojyo to hide.

I nudged at him. "Are you ready?"

He didn't move or even glance at me.

"Come on. Sanzo and Goku are waiting."

He drew a deep breath and nodded, and we struck out across the tavern, toward the door, where Sanzo and Goku stood together. I noticed Goku speaking with uncommon seriousness to Sanzo, and I guessed that he was questioning our leader about Gojyo's behavior. I saw Sanzo shake his head.

Halfway across the room, a towering man stepped into my path. He was bulky and stupid-looking, with a buzz cut, a flat face, and a jaw like an anvil. I stopped dead and craned my head to look up at him. "Excuse me, sir."

The man shuffled me to the side without a word and stood over my room mate. "Well, well, well," he chortled. His voice resembled the sound of a growling mongrel. "Look what the fucking cat dragged in."

Gojyo glared up at him. "Yo, asshole. You're standing in my way."

"Ha! Your way. _You're_ standing in _my_ bar."

"Do you run this establishment, sir?" I demanded, standing beside Gojyo.

He barely favored me with a glance. "That's right, buddy. My bar, my rules."

"Oh, well then I'm glad you happened along. The food here was rather terrible."

He was a thick-necked man, and he likely had the mentality of a bull—stupid and unreasonable—I hoped insulting his place would distract him.

Unfortunately, the man continued to glare daggers at Gojyo, as if captivated by the red framing my room mate's face.

"Furthermore, the service was poor, and the environment can't be up to code."

"Eat somewhere else," he suggested gruffly. "And you." He seized Gojyo by the front of the shirt, jerking him forward. "You better get outta town, fuck wad. Not everybody's gonna be as nice to you as I am."

"What're you gonna do?" Gojyo husked, voice trembling with hate. "Beat me up? I don't think so."

The barkeeper laughed. "I'm gonna pound you into the dirt, punk." He cocked back a huge, meaty hand.

I started forward, fully intending to dislocate his arm and smash his head on the corner of the nearest table, but Gojyo elbowed him in the gut so fiercely the man flew back, crashing into a bar patron, and both of them smashed into a table full of food. Dishes rained down everywhere with the sound of glass shattering, a woman screamed, and all the noise in the tavern ceased immediately.

At once, I turned to Gojyo, but he was already rushing for the door. He bounded over the barkeeper, who laid groaning and writhing on the floor, shoved past Goku when he attempted to stop him, and burst outside, vanishing from sight.

It puzzled me. Normally, Gojyo wouldn't run away after throwing down a man twice his weight. Normally, he'd stand over him and cockily light a cigarette and gloat about what he'd done, daring anyone else to try it next.

I only let the confusion hinder me for a few seconds though. Just as the tavern began to catch its breath, and the customers began to stir and murmur over what had happened, I vaulted over the assassin myself and streaked after my room mate, shouting his name.

I skidded to a stop on the road, thrashing my head back and forth, wildly, looking for him. Why would he run off? Where would he go? I hadn't _really_ seen many people give Gojyo any trouble for his half-bloodedness, so I didn't know if I should be utterly surprised by the fact that I hadn't been able to anticipate his reaction.

I rounded the corner, berating myself for not doing something, fretting over whether or not I'd be able to find him.

He was standing there at the back of the building, leaning against the wall, smoking, eyes closed, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his vest.

I breathed a deep sigh of relief and sidled up next to him, wondering what to say. Twilight had begun to set in, and my friend looked pale in the purple atmosphere. I wasn't sure what I could do for him.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said brusquely. "I kicked his ass. Didn't you see?"

"That isn't quite what I meant. I meant—"

He snapped at me, "What do you want from me, Hakkai? I told you I didn't want to come here." And he pushed away from the wall and began to swagger up the alley.

I hurried after him. "Did you know somehow it would be like this?"

"No."

"The way you acted outside of town though… It's as if you expected it."

"I didn't."

"Yes, but—"

"Stop it, okay?" He turned on me suddenly. His face was dark. "I didn't know. How could I?"

"I'm not sure. Unless you've been here before."

A slight, inexplicable smile curved on his lips. "Yeah, right. Forget it, Hakkai. I'm going now. I'm gonna go sleep under a tree somewhere. See you tomorrow."

He started forward again, but I stopped him, clutching at his arm. "I would rather you not."

"Why? It's no big deal. It won't be the first time I've slept outside."

"No, but there _are_ bound to be assassins around."

He glared mildly at me. "Think I can't protect myself?"

"I know you can. That isn't what I'm concerned about." It was a lie though. Of course he could protect himself as well as any of us could, but then, none of us could handle a whole horde of assassins all by himself, save Goku, perhaps. "In addition to assassins, this town isn't being very hospitable toward you so far."

He seemed to think for a moment, and then he shrugged. "If you're so worried about it come sleep under a tree with me."

I hesitated further. It was an option. It wouldn't be the first time _I'd_ slept outside either, regardless of the fact that I'd been looking forward to sleeping in a real bed for a change. The two of us would still be vulnerable though, camping out alone. I decided I ought to attempt to dissuade him. In the event that he absolutely could not be reasoned with, very well, I'd sleep under a tree with him, but I had every confidence that I'd be able to change his mind.

I gave him my most reassuring smile—that was generally the place to start with him—and I moved my hand up to his shoulder, shaking him affectionately. "Come now. We're almost done here. We'll be holed up in the inn for the rest of the night, and then we'll leave first thing in the morning. That won't be so terrible, will it?"

"Not unless I get mugged on the way back to the goddamn inn," was his dark rejoinder.

"That's not going to happen."

"How do you know? Some dick just attacked me in there for nothing."

"The inn isn't so far away. I think we'll make it there without incident."

"You don't know that, Hakkai."

I knew I'd need to change tactics and play on his trust instead. "No, I suppose not." I gave his shoulder a light squeeze. "But what I do know is that I'll be with you, and the next person to attack you over this will have me to contend with."

Gojyo snorted and shook his head somewhat skeptically, and that wasn't exactly like him either. I was beginning to feel that there might be more to this than what I could see. "Hakkai, look…you don't get it."

"I will if you tell me," I said gently.

He chewed his cigarette, thinking. "It doesn't matter if you get it. I don't wanna drag you into some fucking mess. I think it'd be easier if I just went and camped somewhere."

"And I think I'd rather punish the next person to insult you."

Gojyo sighed heavily. He was standing up to my manipulations quite insistently this time, but I thought I could get through to him if I pushed just a little further.

"I understand if you want to run away from this, and if that's your decision I won't stop you, but I want you to know you don't have to do that. You have people in your life who don't approve of the idea of you being left out in the cold over something so petty."

That was certainly the line I needed. I watched his eyes brighten and his face lift, the frown softened, and his posture relaxed. He pushed the hair from his eyes, nodding.

I smiled and slammed his back lightly. "Come along now." I gestured to the mouth of the alley, where Goku and Sanzo stood watching us in silence. "Let's go, shall we?"

He started to walk toward them, but paused again. "Hey… Hakkai?"

"Yes, Gojyo."

He met my gaze reluctantly, and I saw something vulnerable in him this time: a childishness. "What if these people don't hate me 'cause I'm a hanyou…? What if they hate me for something else?"

"Such as what?" I asked patiently.

Gojyo puffed his cigarette, thinking. "I dunno."

"Well, that isn't what's happening, so it doesn't matter, does it?"

"Yeah, right," he grumbled, easing forward again. "It doesn't matter at all."

We joined the others, and the four of us got on our way back to the inn, but hardly anyone spoke. Gojyo's distress was infectious.

I watched the people around us carefully. The streets were quite empty, as was to be expected in a small town at supper time, but the few who did cross our path stared at our group, entirely without shame. They gaped and whispered. Some even pointed. That observation made my stomach clench with nervousness. Did every single person in this town know a child of taboo when they saw one?

I told myself it still didn't matter. What I told Gojyo was true. We'd be at the inn all night, and we'd leave in the morning. Seeing how I wasn't sure where we were, I didn't know when we'd come to the next town, so we would have to purchase a few supplies, but I could do that by myself if I got up before the others. Losing an hour of sleep was well worth it if I could prevent anyone else from mocking or attacking Gojyo.

When we reached our inn again, he once again stopped and said, "Look, guys, I don't wanna get us kicked out of here next."

We all looked back at him.

"I can leave. It's not a big deal."

Sanzo wrinkled his nose. "Did your brain stay behind somewhere today? You're acting like a total idiot." And then he pushed through the doors and strode into the inn, Goku on his heels, checking over his shoulder on Gojyo and glancing worriedly at me.

I smiled at my room mate. "Shall we?"

"Dude, I really think this is a bad idea."

"Well, you don't seem to grasp the circumstances either."

"No," he snarled, " _you_ don't, Hakkai."

"Please. Let's just go in now. I'm tired, and you're obviously distraught."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't patronized me, dick head," he muttered as he passed me and slipped after the others.

A few people had appeared in the lobby since Sanzo and I checked in. The innkeeper sat at her counter, flipping through a magazine and smoking a cigarette, and a trio of men was gathered at a table in the corner, drinking and playing cards. They stared at Gojyo and I as we caught up to Sanzo, and I heard one of them whisper, "I don't believe it…"

I frowned to myself. Even the drunks knew.

 _It doesn't matter_ , I thought to myself. _I won't let anything happen._

When we reached our rooms, Goku suggested we play mahjong or cards, an ill-concealed device to try to distract Gojyo, but Gojyo made it clear he wasn't interested. "Play without me," he said, and flopped over on the nearest bed without removing his boots or vest.

Sanzo and Goku stayed a little longer so Sanzo and I could discuss our plans for tomorrow in greater detail, and then the two of them retired to their own room.

I sat down on the edge of the bed adjacent to Gojyo's, and Jeep settled onto my lap. "Are you worried?" I asked quietly.

"No. You're right." He blew a series of smoke rings. "We'll be here all night."

He didn't look or sound worried. Not quite. I knew him though. I could tell he was bothered from the way he was acting. No, even that wasn't it exactly. I knew he was bothered because he should be, and he was, and I knew what sorts of things disturbed him.

"That's right." I smiled and stroked Jeep along the neck, listening to him croon contentedly. "You're all right. You're with me."

"Yeah," he agreed simply, but he turned his back to me. "If I have to be here… I'm glad you're around."


	2. Chapter 2

**So I realized it says this fic is complete. Idk what I was thinking. There will be several chapters following this one… Sorry about the confusion, guys!**

 **Pt. 2**

The night was young yet, but Gojyo and I talked very little. Typically, sharing an apartment with my official room mate provided us with an opportunity to catch up and show each other complete emotional honestly, especially when a crisis had evolved.

Tonight though, Gojyo refused to open up to me, and I assumed that only proved how close this wound was to his heart, so I let him be and retired early. I tossed and turned for hours, my restless body preventing me from sleep, but in time I did manage to clear my mind and relax myself enough to slip into dreams.

It seemed that I didn't sleep very long before a noise roused me, and I found myself again staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling of the inn room. Somewhere in the distance, I heard the clamor of angry voices, so I sat up, groping around for my glasses. The room was dark, except for an orange glow filtering in through the window, and as I stared around, still blinking out of sleep, I saw Gojyo standing there, gazing out, his face illuminated by warm light.

"What's happening?" I hissed.

Gojyo merely jerked his head, so I climbed out of bed and glided up beside him, feet chilled by the bare floorboards.

In the streets below, a small crowd of people had cobbled together in front of the inn, holding up torches and brandishing pitch forks. It was so cliché, I had to blink and pinch myself to be sure I wasn't dreaming.

"Who are they?" I wondered, heart beginning to drum faster.

Gojyo didn't answer.

I took a long look at his face, but his expression was one of resignation.

At the front of the crowd, a tall man paced back and forth, shouting, "There's no sense in hiding! We know you're in there—you may as well come down and face justice like a man!"

"What do they want?" I didn't need to ask that question—I knew already—but I had to ask it anyway, because there were aspects of the answer I didn't know for certain.

Behind us, the door burst open. I jumped and spun around, fists clenched, ready to ward off enemies, but it was only Sanzo and Goku, already dressed and looking grim.

"Who're those guys?" Goku demanded, rushing to the window and jostling against Gojyo. "Not assassins, right?"

"They're humans," Sanzo pointed out. His face bore a look of utmost seriousness.

He and I exchanged looks. "Well then, they can't be after us…"

The posse leader went on shouting, voice ringing with violence as it echoed through the streets. "I'm warning you! Come out now, hanyou! Or we'll torch the inn with you inside!"

Goku turned a wide-eyed gaze on Gojyo. "What the heck do they want _you_ for?"

Gojyo still hadn't said a word. He didn't appear to be blinking or even breathing.

Outside, the man roared, "I'm giving you to the count of ten! One!"

"They can't wanna hurt ya just 'cause…"

Finally, Gojyo heaved a shallow sigh. "No? Plenty of other people have." And then he turned away, crossing the room to the door.

"Two!" the posse leader boomed.

"Gojyo!" I grabbed his arm. "Let's discuss this!"

He wouldn't look at me.

Goku shouldered up beside us, looking much angrier than usual. He already had his bo. "We don't need ta talk about it. There's only like twenty of 'em—let's go kick their butts!"

"Three!"

Sanzo grumbled, "We're not out to fight with humans." He sounded outraged as well though.

I felt a scalding fire of rage burning inside my heart, but I struggled to keep a level head. "No, we don't want to fight if we don't have to, but…"

But what? Goku was right. There couldn't be more than two dozen men down there, and as humans they'd be easily dispatched. Still, I didn't want Gojyo to face them. Even though he could easily win against them, I didn't want to watch them mistreat him and insult him and act like he was garbage over his blood. I wanted to shield him from that. Was that so wrong?

"Four!"

"We can't let that asshole burn the building down," Gojyo murmured. "We're not the only ones in here." He pulled out of my hand and left the room, with Goku right on his heels.

I took a deep breath, scooped up my shoes, and started after them, but Sanzo detained me.

"Don't lose your head down there," he said, looking gravely into my eyes.

"Five!"

"I think I'm in as much danger of that as anyone, Sanzo," I replied coolly.

He hissed impatiently and allowed, "I _guess_."

With that, we hurried after the other two, and Jeep flew to my shoulder.

By the time we reached the bottom of the staircase, the posse leader had gotten to eight, but the countdown stopped there, so Gojyo and Goku must have arrived at the porch.

I all but ran across the lobby and threw the front door open. The crowd had grown some, but most of the people I saw were onlookers, unarmed and dressed in sleepwear. Others looked down from their windows. The mob itself was grotesque, each face gleamed in the light of the fire, brimming with wrath, and I didn't see a single sympathetic expression among them.

Gojyo and Goku stood there together, Goku half a step ahead, his bo in hand.

At the base of the porch, the posse leader held his torch dangerously close to the wood, and he kept his hate-filled eyes fixed on Gojyo.

I hurriedly shoved my shoes on, trying not to take my eyes off the crowd for more than a second at a time.

"What do you want?" my room mate asked with a blend of utter calm and acceptance.

"You need to ask?" the posse leader demanded. He was a heavily bearded man, somewhere in his late forties. He had remarkably pale eyes. "You really don't know?"

Gojyo shrugged lamely.

"You never were very bright."

"Neither were you, Tanda."

Sanzo and I glanced questioningly at each other.

Tanda growled. "Don't you dare mock me, boy. You've done enough damage."

"So what're you telling me? You're here to make me pay?"

I clenched my fists again, watching the crowd warily. I saw the man Gojyo had punched out in the bar earlier, standing near the front of the mob. The others all appeared to be able-bodied men as well, eager to fight.

Another man stepped up beside Tanda. He was tall but some twenty years younger, and he had a laughing tone in his voice and a glint of mockery in his eyes. "You were stupid to come back here, Gojyo-chan. You did nothing but cause trouble from the very beginning."

Gojyo cocked his head very slightly. "Samuiko?"

This was beginning to really upset me. How did he know these people by name?

Samuiko flashed a heartless sort of smile and went on speaking. "Honestly, what did you _think_ would happen if you tried to come back?"

 _Back… That explains everything. Ah, but perhaps I should have known from the very beginning that he'd been here before._ Terrible guilt struck me, but so did further confusion. Why didn't he tell me he'd been in this town before and made enemies?

Gojyo sounded tired as he responded. "Don't know. I never thought I'd be back in this dump."

A murmur of annoyance rippled through the crowd. Evidently, they didn't appreciate having their town insulted.

"Well," Tanda moved forward, his movements tense with a thirst for violence. Beneath his garments I detected tell-tale signs of bulky muscle, and his voice was lined with threats. "I'll tell you what happens now, boy."

Goku shifted his weight and switched his bo from one hand back to the other.

"Justice. Pure, sweet justice for all the evil things you did in this town."

I watched my room mate, but so far he'd given no sign that he had any intentions of defending himself or even so much as arguing. Surely he must be biding his time. If they attacked him, he wouldn't just stand there. I knew better than that.

So why was my heart beating so fast and what was this fear that ate through me?

"I didn't come here to fight with you guys," Gojyo said. "I won't even be here in the morning."

"That's right, Gojyo-chan," Samuiko chuckled. "You won't."

They both mounted the first step, and my heart leapt. I edged forward.

Goku swung his bo suddenly, and it swept past the end of their noses. He crouched, obviously ready for a battle. "Stay back, butthead."

Gojyo touched his shoulder, murmuring, "It's okay, Goku. Look, Tanda," he said a little more loudly, but there was still a subdued tone to his voice. "Whatever you think I did…I'm not here to hurt anything. It's just a mistake. I'm not trying to cause trouble."

Samuiko laughed, and some of the others in the crowd joined him, jeering and mocking. "That's just the problem though, kiddo—you don't have to _try_ to cause trouble, you just bring it with you. Do you think we're going to risk letting your curse foul up the place again? We all tolerated you before, but we won't make the same mistake twice."

"Tolerated me?" Gojyo demanded bitterly. "You didn't _tolerate_ me. You all treated me like shit—always."

"What do you expect? You _are_ shit, hanyou."

I'd heard enough. I stepped to Gojyo's side, shuddering with anger. "I suggest you all reconsider your position on the matter. At once."

They eyed me venomously. "You're defending this freak?" Tanda demanded, sounding perfectly outraged. "You can't be serious."

"Dead serious. I'm issuing a warning to each and every one of you. If you don't back off now, I will personally see to it that you regret this."

Sanzo counseled, "I told you not to lose your head, Hakkai."

What did he expect? For me to stand by and watch this mob antagonize my best friend? That was something I could never do.

I ignored him.

"If any of you want to walk out of here tonight, I recommend you do it now, while your legs are still intact."

Another murmur sped through them. Someone in the back cried, "We're not afraid of you!"

And another shouted, "Give us the hanyou and go about your business!"

"I dare you," I spat, furious. "I dare any of you to come an inch closer."

Gojyo looked at me. "Hakkai—"

Sanzo stepped out in front of all of us. I didn't see his gun, but I recognized the loose readiness of his posture and knew he'd draw it in a blink if he had to. His voice lifted over the din of the angry crowd. "In a backwater place like this, I wouldn't expect any of you cretins to know better, but you've been warned—twice now—get the fuck out of here while you still can."

The whispers continued. Some demanded, "Is that a priest?" Others shook their heads angrily. The mob squirmed with brutal desires. My own heartbeat was beginning to hurt it slammed so hard and fast. As each second ticked by, I cared less and less that they were humans.

Suddenly, a woman pushed to the front of the crowd. She was aged close to Tanda, but she retained much of her beauty. She had an elegant neck, and though her face had lines of age creasing them, it glowed with ferocity. People stepped out of the way as she came through, skirt hiked up from the ground, long braid trailing over her shoulder. She stopped abruptly at the front of the mob and stared at Gojyo, eyes going wide, mouth dropping open, as if seeing someone she'd thought was long-since dead.

Next to me, Gojyo's breath hitched and his body spasmed as if he'd been struck. I heard him whisper, "Oba-san…"

The woman's shock passed quickly and her black eyes flashed. She pursed her lips and ordered, "Kill him."

As soon as the words were spoken, a roar erupted from the crowd, and they surged forward, waving their torches, pitch forks, knives, and clubs.

"So much for diplomacy," Sanzo complained, throwing his cigarette down.

There were so few of them, it wouldn't take us more than a handful of minutes to wipe them all out. Goku could do it on his own. Still, even though we weren't supposed to be fighting and killing innocent humans, I would relish the feeling of shutting them up. They had such appalling audacity.

Gojyo turned away before the first man could even reach for him, pushed past me, ran to the other edge of the porch, and sprang over the railing. He landed lithely, and sprinted into the darkness.

The screams of the mob died off at once, and everybody froze in place, watching him go, all of us astonished by how quickly and easily he'd fled. I'd never seen him run from a fight before, and I could only wonder at it.

"Gojyo!" Goku yelled, leaping after him, but Gojyo had already vanished into the night, and even the sounds of his footfalls were lost, and soon Goku also disappeared.

Unfortunately, the confusion only lasted a few seconds, and then the black-eyed woman shrieked, "What are you doing? Go after him! Now! We can't let him escape justice!"

Stumbling and bumping into one another, the crowd scrambled after Gojyo, shouting for blood, but I doubted they'd catch up to him. I'd never realized Gojyo could run so quickly.

Sanzo and I looked at each other.

"What the fuck's going on?" he hissed.

"I wish I knew."

"He didn't tell you?"

"No…I thought it would be rude to push him."

From the scowl he gave me, I knew he disapproved of that excuse, but there was nothing any of us could do about it now. "Let's go," he huffed.

Side by side, we raced after the mob, where their torches flickered up the road.

It seemed like the hunt went on all night. The posse split up into groups of two or three and spread out to search the town, and the surrounding areas, for any sign of Gojyo, and Tanda gave the order to bring him back alive, and then they all dispersed, and the town fell freakishly quiet.

Sanzo and I hunted around together, exchanging different theories, but there simply wasn't enough to go off of. Obviously Gojyo had been in this town before, and obviously he'd stirred up trouble here, but it was impossible to tell what sort of trouble. They wanted him dead. Was it possible he'd killed someone?

In a little while, we found Goku wandering the streets and calling Gojyo's name. He told us he'd lost sight of him almost immediately after he ran away.

"I don't understand," Sanzo said irritably. "Gojyo outran _you_?"

Goku shook his head. His eyes gleamed with concern in the warm light from a nearby street lamp, and his eyebrows were arched in the faintest suggestion of anger. "Nah, it's more like he disappeared. He went around a corner, and when I went after him he was gone."

I nodded, scanning the darkened streets with the utmost intensity. "If Gojyo's spent time in this town in the past, he'd obviously know his way around."

"How come those people wanna kill him?" Goku demanded as the three of us began to walk again.

I thought once more of my theory that Gojyo may have wronged these people in the most terrible way, but knowing my room mate the way I did, it was hard to know for certain. He never had been, and never could be, murderous.

 _But things happen, don't they? Unexpected things. Things outside of anyone's control._ I looked down at my own hands, remembering the blood that had once drenched them.

Instead of sharing my fears, I simply said, "Hopefully, when we find Gojyo, he'll be willing to tell us."

"Ya mean he didn't tell ya? I thought that's why you guys're sharin' a room."

I smiled my brightest at him, choking back all the sarcastic things I wanted to say. "As a matter of fact, he lied to my face about it."

Goku turned away, looking somewhat disturbed.

We wound our way through the streets, hissing his name and checking into every corner, but there wasn't any sign of him. Every now and then, we'd cross paths with a group from the mob, so at least we knew they hadn't found him either.

On one such occasion, we encountered the man named Samuiko, accompanied by another man of approximately the same age. As they approached, Samuiko called out, "Where's your friend?"

"Why the heck should we tell _you_?" Goku growled. "You wanna kill him."

Samuiko flashed his mocking smile. "You'd thank us if we did. That freak is nothing but trouble."

I forced myself to swallow the urge to snap both his arms, and Sanzo must have noticed my expression, because he murmured, "Cool it, Hakkai."

"May I ask what it is he did you're all so determined to punish him for?" I grated out.

Samuiko shook his head, still smiling derisively. "It's a long story, and at the moment we don't have time to tell it."

His companion finally spoke, "All that matters it that Tanda ordered us to catch him so he can be punished."

"Well, what's his problem?" Goku asked. "How come he can't just leave Goj alone—he didn't come ta this town on purpose, we got lost."

"Tanda's in charge around here; he's responsible for this town and its people, and he's responsible for making sure justice is done."

"The justice system in this shit hole is up to _that_ son of a bitch?" Sanzo sneered.

"Partially at least. Most people might get a hearing with our town elders, but your friend is exempt from that privilege."

I clenched my fists at my sides, fighting to hold my tongue.

"You should help us," Samuiko added. "I don't know what you're traveling with that monster, but you'll be much better off without him."

"Tanda might even give you some kind of reward for it. Who knows?"

"We don't want your crummy reward," Goku snapped, but the two of them just laughed and shrugged.

"Well, good luck to you then," Samuiko said, moving around us, and they went off together, still laughing and making jokes about our misplaced loyalty.

I glared after them, and my blood boiled.

Sanzo snorted, "Let it go, Hakkai. We don't have time to mess with those pricks—we have to find Gojyo."

Reluctantly, I faced the two of them again, and they both shifted and exchanged looks, apparently unnerved by my expression. I struggled to keep an even tone. "Yes, of course. You're right, Sanzo."

I promised myself I'd bust Samuiko's face in later. Maybe I'd burn this entire town to the ground.

Goku lowered his voice, "What'dya think Goj did? They make it sound like it was really bad."

"With that dumb ass? Who knows?" Sanzo took a few puffs on his cigarette, staring into the distance and thinking. "We should split up. These people aren't interested in fighting with us, and Gojyo could be anywhere by now. Meanwhile, we're getting nowhere."

We broke off into different directions after that, agreeing we'd meet back at the inn after an hour and a half, more than enough time to turn the entire town upside down, but not being able to find him when I knew he was in trouble distressed me, and in a while I asked Jeep to fly around, hoping he'd spot him from the sky and be able to lead me to him. I watched my dragon vanish into the night, and then continued my search. As I stalked through the shadows, probing every corner for my best friend, it occurred to me that Gojyo likely wasn't in town anymore. He'd been so insistent about staying the night outside of town earlier I had no doubt that's what he'd do now. I didn't know how far away he'd go, or which direction he'd take, but it would be just a matter of time before the others hunting for him realized he must have left town as well. Were they so set on vengeance that they'd comb the countryside for him?

I remembered the vicious bite of the woman's words as she gave the order to kill him, and the way he'd stared at her, expression so pained and sorry. Who was she? An old lover? She was quite a lot older than him, but she was beautiful so that hardly mattered.

When I found him, I'd have to try to coax him into explaining this fiasco to me.

 _If_ I found him…

 _I mustn't think that way,_ I thought as I walked out of town. _Of course I'm going to find him. He wouldn't leave us over this…_

A chill sped down my spine as I entered the darkness of the woods. Normally, Gojyo wouldn't abandon us for anything, but I wondered if this might be serious enough that he'd just keep running and never look back.

 _I'd like to think you wouldn't run out on me that easily, Goj…_

Determined to give him the benefit of the doubt, I scoured the woods. Fortunately, it was a clear night. A cool breeze blew, whipping through the trees, but a half moon rose high toward its midnight position, providing more than enough light for me to see. I called for him as I went along, and kept my eyes open for any spot that seemed like it might make a good site to bed down for the night.

Less than half a mile from the town, I came across a misshapen tree, standing out alone in a clearing. It had grown tall, but gnarled, and most of the branches along the bottom half of its trunk had been sawn off, and small outcroppings of rocks were clustered around it. A platform had been built up in its branches, like the beginnings of a tree house no one had bothered to complete.

Gojyo sat up there, his legs dangling over the edge, cigarette glowing in his mouth, and stared up at the moon, still as a statue.

I hissed at him, but he didn't even look down at me, and so I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to climb up. A series of wooden planks had been nailed into the tree's trunk to form a shabby ladder, but they were sturdy enough, and in a matter of moments, I found myself standing beside my friend, glancing around. I could see the lights of the town over the trees before us, and the tree house itself held some interest. The northern wall of it had been completed, giving some shelter from the wind, and a few objects were littered around its creaky floor. A rusty hammer sat with a coffee can full of nails and a pile of now rotted lumber. There were a few interestingly shaped sticks, a small pocketknife, and a pornographic magazine warped and faded by ages of rain and sunshine, a box of playing cards—equally damaged—and I saw a tiny, heart-shaped necklace tangled around the stubby end of a branch. It was as if the children who'd been working on the tree house had simply abandoned it one day, years ago, leaving all their childhood treasures behind.

My room mate kept his eyes fixed on the moon as I sat down beside him, and for a long time we sat there in complete silence. I kept hoping he'd just tell me what was going on in his own time, because I wasn't sure how to press him over such a delicate matter. For instance, I couldn't imagine coming right out and saying, "what did you do to these people, Gojyo".

When ample time had passed, I finally asked softly, "Are you all right?"

Gojyo nodded slowly, like he was experiencing an odd dream.

"Can I…I don't know…help you somehow?"

His blank expression flickered at that, and his frown deepened.

"I feel somewhat responsible. You didn't want to enter this town for a reason, but I made you." I remembered the way he'd urgently told me to stop the car, and how flimsy his excuses for wanting to camp had been, and I added, "I wish you would have been more direct about that reason though."

Gojyo sighed, and it was an unexpectedly poignant sound.

"Those people really want to hurt you, Goj," I said delicately, feeling sick at the thought. "At first, I thought it was because of your blood, but obviously there's more to it. I'd like it if you could tell me what happened here."

He scraped his cigarette across the floorboards of the platform and wasted no time lighting a new one. "I didn't do anything to any of them…" he said at last.

I raised an eyebrow. "How can that be? They put together a mob to come after you, Gojyo. I'm having a hard time believing they'd do that without some sort of provocation."

Gojyo glared at me, and I thought I saw traces of hurt behind his eyes. "What would I do, Hakkai? I mean, what do you think I did?"

I leaned back, pondering that a while and watching wisps of clouds pass over the moon like scraps of silk. "I'm not sure. They're out for your blood… That woman wants you dead. I suppose, at the moment, my best guess is that you may have killed someone in this town."

Shaking his head, he lowered his eyes again. "I didn't. I never did anything to anyone in this town."

I lifted a skeptical eyebrow. "As I said, I'm not sure how that's possible."

"Look." He raked his fingers through his hair suddenly. "They just…always hated me here. Is that so hard to believe? That they just hated me for no reason?"

"Gojyo," I admonished, losing some patience, "if you had been honest with me hours ago, it's possible none of this would be happening."

He paused, and then he sounded a bit angry. "I told you I wanted to leave. If you'd let me, I know it wouldn't be happening. Why don't you ever just listen to me?"

His annoyance surprised me, and it took me several moments to respond. "You don't really listen to me that often either."

"I do. I listen to you all the time. I always do whatever you say."

"That's an exaggeration, don't you think?"

"Yeah, well I do what you say a helluva lot more often than you do what I say."

"You're not really the type to give orders."

"That's not the point!" he snapped. "You're so hung up on always being smart, and always being right, and thinking you know best you don't even think about the fact that you could be wrong! I shouldn't have had to explain why I didn't want to be here, you should have just heard me say I wanted to go and let me go!"

I shot him a sharp look. "You're angry that I didn't want to let you stay out here alone all night? I thought you deserved more than that."

"I was willing to take it though. I didn't want to have to put up with this shit."

"Yes, but I—"

"Hakkai," he exhaled my name, sounding all the more frustrated. "Just take off, okay? I'm not in the mood to try to argue with you when I know you're just going to win, so go back to Sanzo, and I'll find you guys tomorrow."

"That mob is looking for you," I objected. "By all appearances, you have no intentions of fighting them or defending yourself. You expect me to leave you in such a predicament?"

"See? See how you don't listen? I'm not asking you to protect my ass, Hakkai, I'm asking you to leave me the fuck alone for once."

"I don't want to," I snarled. "I don't want to wonder for the rest of my life what this was about, and I know you'll never tell me."

He shrugged. "I shouldn't have to. If you're not going to leave at least shut the fuck up. You're pissing me off."

Several minutes passed in silence, and I tried to decide what I should do. I wasn't getting anything out of him, but I couldn't imagine leaving him either. Distractedly, I fidgeted with some of the objects lying nearby. I found a die, scored and dirty, lying right beside me, and with it what appeared to be a pack of cigarettes. At first, I assumed they were his, but when I picked the package up I found it as old and weather worn as everything else. A handful of cigarettes were still inside, water damaged like everything else. I turned the pack over in my hands, realizing they were Hi-Lites.

I stared disbelievingly at them, and then I turned slowly to him, studying his unyielding expression in a new light.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I hissed. "Why didn't you say something?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked half-heartedly.

I put the old package in his hands, and he barely glanced at it.

"This is where you grew up. Isn't it?"

Gojyo cocked his mouth in a wry but contrite smile. "There we go, smart guy. See, I don't really _have_ to tell you anything, huh?"

"Gojyo…" I faltered. Words failed me. The full shape of how painful all this must be to him hit me like a tidal wave. "Goj…" I gripped his arm automatically, desperately looking for some way to console him. "You could have said something… You didn't have to…"

He shook his head. "I didn't really know what to say…"

"Yes, but you could have said _something_."

"I told you I'd rather sleep under a tree than shack up with a hooker."

"And I was just supposed to understand that meant "this is my childhood town, and I don't want to set foot in it"?"

He scowled. "Like I said." He took an agitated drag off his cigarette. "I shouldn't have had to tell you. You should have just listened to me instead of always trying to have your way."

Utterly defeated by that circular logic, I flopped back on the platform of the tree house. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize." I stared at the starry canopy, waiting for him to answer, but he sat there quietly.

In a while, I asked, "Did you build this?"

"Jien did."

"For you though?"

"For me."

"He must have been quite a prolific young man."

"He was a lazy fuck," Gojyo muttered.

I smiled sadly at the sullen sound of his voice, and I tried to picture a young Dokugakuji coming out here every day, walking half a mile with piles of discarded scraps of wood on his shoulders, building a tree fort for his downtrodden little brother. A safe haven of sorts. "He loved you," I said gently.

Gojyo seemed to shudder. He sounded all the more distressed as he said, "I used to come here when he was in school, on days when she was acting nuts. I think he had this idea that, if he got it right, I could just live here, away from everyone."

"That's a cynical idea."

He scoffed. "What would you do? He wasn't anywhere close to being an adult."

I sat up again. "Well, no, but it would be difficult. I'm sure you understand that. Protecting you from something so unfair and finite wouldn't have been easy even if he _had_ been an adult. I'm sure he was just doing the best he could."

Tiredly, he rubbed the bridge of his nose and murmured, "Yeah, I know."

"I feel much the same about it, you know," I went on carefully. "I find it much simpler to maul my personal enemies than to try to ward off the injustices in your life."

"I'm not asking you to."

I clenched his wrist, saying emphatically, "I want to though. I doubt you have any idea how I wish I could."

Finally, he turned to me again, eyes clearer than before, and I could see my words had affected him. "Sorry, 'Kai," he said quietly. "Sorry for being mad at you."

Smiling, I laid my hand on the back of his neck. "Never mind. I regret that this happened, that's all. You're right, I suppose. I should have listened to you."

He hooked his arm around my shoulders. "Forget it. I meant what I said at the inn, man. I'm glad you're with me for this suckfest."

"Of course." Out of a profound sense of compassion, I added, "I would never let these people hurt you, Gojyo. Physically, or otherwise."

It took him so long to reply, I assumed he didn't intend to, but finally he whispered, "I know. But…they don't deserve to get annihilated either."

"I'm not sure I agree, considering how old you were the last time they saw you."

He snorted. "Just promise you won't lose your shit on them, okay?"

"I can't promise that, Gojyo. You know better."

"C'mon, dude. For me."

"I don't see why you should care about what happens to them, especially when their fate will be dictated by their own actions."

"If you wipe a bunch of them out, that'll be just one more thing they'll chalk up to something that happened because I was born."

"On the contrary. They ought to see that some people actually place value on your life. Perhaps they'd learn something from that."

"Hakkai," he said all the more quietly. "C'mon. Please?"

I heaved a sigh. "Oh, very well. In any case, we're getting out of here first thing in the morning, so it likely won't come to that."

He nodded. "You're right. Tomorrow can't come soon enough." And then he slumped back on the platform. "Night, man."

"Good night," I whispered, watching him close his eyes and waiting until he'd started breathing deeply.

For a little while, I considered climbing down and going to find Sanzo. I knew where Gojyo was, and with any luck no one else would find him. The hour and a half Sanzo had mandated had already passed, and the other two would be wondering what happened to me. Still, I didn't think I could leave my room mate. For all I knew, Tanda and his men would find him here, and Gojyo still didn't seem interested in fighting with them. I decided it was best to stay with him, and then I lay down as well, shutting my eyes to the cold stars, just as anxious as Gojyo to reach the sunrise.


	3. Chapter 3

I slept longer this time, but I was once again awoken by the sound of angry voices, and I came to with a jolt.

Dawn had only just cracked, leaving the woods still chilly and washed out by pale sunshine spreading across the land from the fiery sun in the east. My clothes and hair were both damp with dew, and my muscles were stiff from the cramped sleeping space I'd chosen. Beside me, Gojyo was still dead to the world, hair thrown across his face.

I scrambled to a sitting position, squinting through the haze that had gathered between the trees like cigarette smoke, searching for any sign of people. The voices rang out again, but they came from several different directions. They were men's voices, all, but I couldn't determine how far away they were, and I was painfully aware of how obvious a spot our location was, particularly in the daylight. I'd spotted Gojyo easily enough in the dark.

"Gojyo," I hissed, leaning over him to shake his shoulder. "Wake up."

He merely curled up tighter and moaned, mumbling nonsense.

I shook him more firmly. "Wake up. We have to go."

Slowly, he opened his eyes and turned over to look at me. "What? Go where? Where are we?"

At the moment, I didn't have time to explain. They could come into view at any moment and see us, sitting in this tree like cornered raccoons.

"Let's go," I insisted, tugging at his arm. "We have to find Sanzo."

"Sanzo?" Yawning hugely, Gojyo sat up and looked around. He seemed to recognize where he was, and his expression darkened. "Oh, yeah," he muttered. "This place."

"We'll be out of here shortly as long as we leave now." I began to climb back down the ladder. "Hurry."

Gojyo pocketed his cigarettes and began the descent directly after me. Halfway down, I let go and dropped the rest of the way to the ground, and he landed roughly beside me. I indicated for him to keep quiet, and we crept through the woods, trying to keep to the cover of the trees and bushes as much as we could.

As I snuck along, I tried to think of the best way to get back to Sanzo. Knowing him, he'd probably waited two hours for me to show up before telling himself it was out of his hands for now and returning to bed. I'd lost track of Jeep amidst all the drama, but he'd more than likely returned to Sanzo and Goku as well. Normally, I'd think the smartest course of action would be to leave Gojyo outside of town and reunite with my team mates, and then we could pick him up on our way, and we'd all continue together.

Still, I didn't like the idea of leaving Gojyo to fend for himself, given the circumstances. I was a little afraid he'd let these people kill him simply because he seemed to believe they deserved that.

"Gojyo," I hissed, as we darted in and out of golden patches of light, "I don't expect you to go back into town with me."

The voices seemed to be getting quieter, I thought, but I still couldn't figure out where they were coming from. Had they really spent their entire night searching for him? If so, they were quite determined to find and punish him for something I still didn't fully understand.

My room mate lit his first cigarette of the day. "So what do you want to do?"

"I think the safest thing for you to do is to get as far away from here as you can on foot."

I hesitated, naturally, expecting some objection or joke about how he didn't need protecting and how I needn't worry over him, but here merely nodded.

"As soon as I find Goku and Sanzo, we'll come and pick you up, but I'll feel much better if you get away from here."

Again, I received no more than a complacent nod.

The woods were utterly still now, the voices had silenced, and I hoped that meant the hunters had gone off in some other direction. If Gojyo set out on the road, they wouldn't find him, would they?

I hesitated to study his face. He looked tired and bothered, much more so than usual, and his hair was heavy and wet. "Do you think they'll really try to kill you?"

Goj shrugged. "That's what they said, right?" he husked.

"What are the chances they'll let you off the hook?"

"I don't know," he breathed, sounding as exhausted as he looked, and I wondered if he'd slept poorly. "Not likely, I guess."

That didn't mean they'd kill him. Not necessarily. It was possible they'd thought better of it since the chase first began, but I still didn't want him falling into their hands. I didn't know what he may have done to make them wish to claim his blood, but I didn't dare trust that they'd spare him any kindness, whether they killed him or not.

The idea of Gojyo being at their mercy made my stomach feel sick.

"Well, can you at least promise me that you'll protect yourself, assuming they manage to capture you? You don't have to hurt anyone, if you don't want to, but promise me you won't just stand there and let them punish you for something that happened more than ten years ago."

Gojyo met my gaze with bleary eyes.

"If you don't promise me that," I went on quietly, "I don't know if I'll be able to manage the anxiety brought on by being separated, even if it's not for very long."

"Don't worry, Hakkai," he huffed. "I wouldn't let them kill me, if that's what you mean. I don't wanna hurt them either, but I'm not gonna just stand there and let them do whatever… Not anymore."

I tried my best to smile. "I'm glad to hear that. Well then, perhaps it's best if we part ways now. I don't feel that there's even a moment to lose."

He cracked a feeble grin. "Right? The longer it takes, the more likely Master Sanzo is to leave us both behind. He's got the car, right?"

"I certainly hope so."

"You don't know where Jeep is?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Not precisely, but even if he isn't with Sanzo, he'll come back to me in time. Now hurry up and leave, before they find us."

Gojyo sighed quietly and nodded.

Automatically, I told him, "Even if Sanzo has already left us behind—which I highly doubt—I'll come meet you on the road, and we'll figure out what to do together."

"If you say so, man."

"I'll see you later." I turned to start back toward the town, and he faced the direction of the road. I hesitated though. A few men had emerged from the mist, creeping quietly toward us, still bearing their pitch forks and shovels, and now I saw that several of them were armed with hatchets and crude swords.

I spun around to face Gojyo again, but he hadn't moved. Another group of villagers was approaching from that side as well, with Tanda leading them, a rifle in his hands.

"Well," I muttered. "We waited too long after all."

"We found you," Samuiko cried gleefully, coming in from behind us. He had a rifle as well. "We were worried you might have escaped, but it looks like you were too stupid to run away."

Gojyo looked at me and asked quietly, "What now?"

"If we run they'll shoot us," I answered, feeling my heart begin to race again. I'd been foolish. I should have made him leave the area last night. It had been the peak of idiocy to think we were safe in Jien's tree house.

Tanda had nearly reached us. His red beard blazed in the early morning sun, and his rifle was leveled on Gojyo. His lips smiled, but a fearsome darkness ruled his eyes.

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to let us go," I said carefully. Perhaps I could reason with these people. They were rustic, but surely reason wouldn't escape them completely.

"You can go," he answered stonily. "The people of this village have nothing against you—you're as much a victim of this bastard's curse as anyone else is, I'd imagine."

"Just the opposite in fact. Neither are you, and it would behoove you to simply let him go. We're leaving town anyway."

Tanda shook his head, and he resembled a shaggy bear as he snarled, "Not him. He's coming with us. You can either go back to your friends and forget him, or you can try to interfere and die. It's your choice."

He jabbed Gojyo in the chest with the muzzle of his rifle. "You and Jien were always tough boys, but not even you can dodge a bullet, so why don't you just come along quietly?"

"Where're going?" Gojyo drawled.

A certain fire filled Tanda's eyes, and his expression blazed with animosity and triumph. "To see Maddi."

Gojyo stiffened at those words, and his breath hitched, his eyes darkened, and he turned slowly to me.

I had no idea what to say. In addition to not knowing who Maddi was, I knew there was nothing I could do to save Gojyo's life in this particular moment. If I tried to attack, they'd shoot him. Perhaps though, if I bided my time and kept my eyes open for an opportunity, I'd find some way to get him out of this. He didn't want me to kill these people, so I would refrain for as long as I could. Not if they hurt him though. If they hurt him, I'd see to it that they regretted it for what short amount of time they had left to live.

"Come on then." I laid my hand on his shoulder, and I hoped he knew I would protect him, even if it's not what he wanted. "Let's go see Maddi."

We marched back into town, side by side, with Tanda leading the way, and Samuiko walking behind us, his rifle constantly pointed at Gojyo's back. Neither of us said a word the whole way there, and I thought hard about what I should try to do. If that opportunity to save Gojyo from this never came, I would always regret not doing more, regardless of what happened after he was gone.

Our party hadn't been on the road a terribly long time yet, but I couldn't imagine going on to India without my best friend; we'd chosen to do this together, and with that decision had come the unspoken promise that we would watch each other's backs along the way. The notion of failure so early on in the mission was too weighty for me to bear, and I thought all the harder of what my options might be in this situation.

Tanda led us up the main road a little ways, and people set their breakfasts aside for a minute or two to come to their doors or porches or windows to watch us go by. I heard them murmuring, and I knew most, if not all of them knew by this time who Gojyo was.

It might have seemed like nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence to them at first, that another hanyou had found his way into their town, but surely many of them had known who he was at the very beginning—it hadn't been _that_ long since he'd left, and his appearance hadn't changed too drastically, and even if it had, I was sure he still bore a resemblance to his brother and his parents, all of whom these people had known—the town was simply too small for them not to find out that Sha Gojyo had returned.

I chanced a look at him. Even though he held his head high and endured the walk with bravery, his eyes were tortured, and his mouth was twisted by pain. I knew he'd never intended to come back here. Maybe he'd known it would go this way.

We hadn't gone too far when Tanda turned us down a smaller, less-traveled road, into a neighborhood that grew shabbier and shabbier as we went. Some of the homes we passed were little more than hovels, and the yards were overgrown. The trees and shrubbery needed to be pruned. Children played barefoot in the dirt, and young housewives with bruised faces toted babies on their hips, looking at our procession with terror-filled eyes. Most of the houses appeared to be abandoned completely, with their windows broken out and their doors hanging off their hinges.

Samuiko leaned over Gojyo's shoulder, hissing, "You know where we're going, don't you, Gojyo-chan? You'd be stupid not to realize."

"Looks even crappier than the last time I was here," Gojyo grumbled with half-hearted mockery.

Samuiko just laughed. "A lot has happened since then. It's never been the nicest part of town though, I know that. Jien and I grew up here together."

I glanced back at him with vague interest. "You and Jien were close, I take it?"

"As close as a human and youkai can be." His eyes shone nastily and he suddenly nudged Gojyo with the butt of his gun. "Well, not as close as this bastard's parents, but let's not get into _that_."

Silently, I watched the houses pass by, wondering which one we were going to stop in front of.

As it turned out, it wasn't until we'd reached the very end of the lane, and the woods spread out before us on both sides, that we finally arrived at our destination.

The house was larger than most of those around it, but it had fallen into utter decay. It stood two stories, and every window was boarded up, its paint was chipping, and the roof sagged. The small porch was falling apart. A towering oak tree grew just outside, and a small tire swing rocked back and forth in the wind there. The grass sprouted up to my waist in many places, overpowering the small path that led from the front door to the road. Beyond the house, and on all sides except the one facing the street, the forest encroached, the line between civilization and nature very weak, a place where wildness and domestication existed side by side.

The woman we'd seen last night waited on the side of the road, watching our group approach with strict posture, head lifted high, long skirts rustling in the breeze. Her chiseled face and high forehead were white like marble, her eyes like obsidian, and again I thought she might have been very beautiful once, had not the lines of age, misery, and severity done their part to ruin her natural charms.

Tanda stopped just in front of her and tipped his head. She nodded in return.

"Here he is, Maddi-san," he said coldly. "Your bastard nephew."

My heart skipped a beat at that word. I had never thought Gojyo had any living relations outside of Jien—a naïve part of me had assumed he'd be with them if he did, just like I might be with mine if I had any—and at first I wasn't sure she could honestly be the woman we'd seen last night. She'd given the order to have him killed.

Maddi stepped forward, regarding Gojyo with the utmost disdain. "Well, well," she cooed in an icy tone. "You're the same age your mother was when she died. I never thought you'd live so long."

Gojyo stared back at her, mouth half-open like he wanted to say something and couldn't.

She cupped his scarred cheek. "I heard how Lady Sha treated you. It filled me with such relief to think she'd sponge out your life eventually, though I'm sure it was a torturous affair for her, living under the same roof as the bastard hanyou of her husband and his lover."

"Lady Sha suffered more than anyone thanks to this little shit," Samuiko agreed, his tone finally sullen with rage.

Maddi turned her unfeeling gaze on me next. "I'm sorry, onisan, we haven't had the pleasure."

"My name is Cho Hakkai," I answered numbly, too distracted by this scene to remember my manners.

Maddi lifted her chin all the higher, nodding imperiously, "And do you know, Hakkai-san, why we're here today?"

I hesitated to look around, up at the house again, and around at our captors, and into my room mate's brooding expression. "I've no idea, obasan."

"We're here for the trial, of course," she answered serenely. "I apologize that you've gotten tangled up in it, but I think you'll make a reasonable judge. You see," she clasped her hands together in front of her and paced away, head bowed in contemplation, "I believe my nephew deserves to die for the crimes he's committed. But this is a civilized world, isn't it? It will be good to have an outsider's perspective."

I looked hard at Gojyo again. He'd told me precious little about his childhood, and his recount of the day he left this town had been vague—"She tried to kill me, but Jien stopped her, and then he left, so I ran away." He could have left things out of course. He would have known I wasn't going to pressure him into telling me more. It wasn't impossible he _had_ committed crimes here before running away. But still. A twelve-year-old? What could he have done that merited being killed now, ten years later? "What is going on?" I demanded. "What did you do?"

He merely jerked his head, continuing to stare at the stately figure of his maternal aunt.

Maddi came back to us. "We shall hear from several plaintiffs this morning. I have little hope that anything you say will change our minds concerning this matter, Hakkai-san, but you're welcome to try. I'll begin.

She looked at me, and then at the others. "As most of you know, when I was thirty years old, my younger sister took her own life, alongside her youkai lover, Master Sha. Up until that point, she had hidden, even from me, her pregnancy and the infant spawned by their taboo affair. For many years since then, I have berated myself, thinking myself an unfit sister for having not noticed, but then I didn't live in this town at the time.

"When I came back for the funeral, I was presented with the child. Elder Tantra—Tanda-san's own father—informed me that I was the next of kin and that the boy was my responsibility from that point on."

An outraged murmur rippled through the crowd.

Maddi chose to clarify regardless. "The fiend that stole my sister, that at such a young age had already spilled so much blood, that was fitted with such a dreadful curse— _my_ responsibility. Elder Tantra made it clear I was expected to take the beast into my home and nurture it like my own. He said that, despite the appalling nature of the task, it was what my sister would have wanted.

"I disagree though." She leveled a vicious gaze on Gojyo, and a sneer played her thin lips. "My sister loved her son so much she slit her own wrists and left this world. Why should I think she would expect me, or anyone, to bear the responsibility of his evil nature?"

Gojyo's shoulders slumped.

I stared at her, bewildered by the monologue, and glanced around again, wondering if I should argue the absurdity of it.

Before I could, Samuiko began, lifting his voice for all to hear, "My name is Shunda Samuiko, son of the late Shunda Ramiko. I've lived in this town all my life and I've seen the curse Maddi-san's talking about first-hand. I grew up with Sha Jien. We were playmates in school from kindergarten up until the day he died."

His voice fell, ringing with despair. "Jien was a good man—the best man—the greatest friend anyone could ever ask for. We did everything together, and I loved him like a brother. When we were very young, we were even neighbors, and our parents always laughed about how inseparable we were. When I was ten, Jien suddenly had to move here, to this disgusting part of town." He bared his teeth as he looked around the neighborhood, like it was despicable to even see it. "He wouldn't tell me why, and for many weeks I didn't see him at all.

"Slowly though, the truth came to light: Jien's father was dead, and his mother was in a bad state over it. Poor Lady Sha." He sighed deeply. "For as long as I knew her, she was a sweet, gentle, _beautiful_ woman, and she was always kind to me. She loved Jien more than anything.

"But after Master Sha died, Elder Tantra saddled her with _this_ freak of nature." He shoved Gojyo's shoulders with his rifle. "I still don't understand why Elder Tantra would do that—she had no relation to him. If Maddi-san didn't want him we should have drowned him in the river; I wish we had. Ever since that day, the Sha family had nothing but hardship and despair. Jien started failing in school, and he barely had any time for his friends or for girls even. Eventually, he dropped out altogether. Lady Sha was sick and couldn't work. She holed up in this filthy place, tending to the _thing_ that was responsible for it all, raising it, like a reed warbler raising a cuckoo, putting all her energy and sanity into trying to do the right thing."

His voice rose with anger, and he had to hesitate a moment to compose himself, sweeping his thick, black hair away from his forehead and taking a deep breath while the crowd murmured, in their rustic, uneducated way, about brood parasitism.

When he went on, he sounded calmer, but no less angry. "Before I knew it, Jien was missing—presumed dead—my closest friend. Gone, just like that."

The crowd whispered their sympathy, and another young man clasped Samuiko's shoulder comfortingly.

I waited for his story to continue, thinking there could yet be some purpose in it, but instead, Tanda started speaking. "You all know me, of course—Master Tanda, your village head. I've lived here all my life as well—forty-seven years—and although I've only spent nine of them serving as the leader here, I know to listen when my people cry for justice.

"I knew the Sha family well. I knew Maddi-san's sister. The Sha's were respected in this town, for generations back. Even though they were youkai, they were still hard-working, peace-loving, and generous. Master Sha was known for his wild side, of course, and for a streak of irresponsibility, but he was well-loved, and I never expected this level of debauchery from him. Madame Sha was, as has already been stated, sweet and ladylike. Their son was handsome, intelligent, and worthy. Maddi-san's sister was a compassionate and loving girl. None of them deserved to die. None of them deserved to be murdered."

"Murdered?" I demanded out loud, but he ignored me and kept going.

"On the day I was called here to the scene of Madame Sha's murder, I could hardly believe my eyes. I could hardly believe something so despicable could have been done to her. But then…" he looked angrily at Gojyo, spitting, "I always knew nothing could good come of this demon's birth."

Furiously, I grabbed my roommate's arm and hissed in his ear, "Aren't you going to stand up to any of these…" allegations wasn't the right word. I wasn't even sure he was being _accused_ of anything. "It's absurd!"

Gojyo just mumbled, "They won't listen to me."]

Tanda gestured to the house. "For those of you who might have the stomach for it, I'd like to go inside now and examine the evidence.

Behind me, someone in the crowd chirped, "But Tanda! No one's set foot in that house since Lady Sha was killed! It's…it's cursed ground!"

The rest of the crowd sputtered and complained about that, professing similar fears. You'd think there was a portal straight to hell under Gojyo's childhood house.

"I'm not asking anyone to go with me," Tanda shouted over the din. "If you're all too afraid, I'll take the accused inside and show him the evidence myself."

"I'll go," Samuiko announced. "I'm not afraid."

He and Tanda each seized one of Gojyo's arms, but he resisted them for the first time all morning. "No way I'm going in there!" he growled.

Samuiko laughed. "What are you scared of? The curse can't hurt _you."_

Gojyo glared at him. "I'm the only one it ever _has_ hurt."

"There's no curse!" I cried, but my words fell on deaf ears.

Several young men dragged Gojyo toward the house, though he fought every step of the way, and Tanda and Maddi led them, calmly.

I followed after, determined that I had to do something. I had to get to the bottom of this. I had to at least uncover what it was they meant by bring up these strange accounts of Gojyo's dead family.

Tanda kicked the door down, and Samuiko threw Gojyo inside, knocking him to the floor. I stepped in immediately afterward, helping him up and glancing around with intrigue. By all appearances, it was a normal house, though it was dilapidated and threadbare. I saw no sign of carpeting on any of the floors, and it had very little furniture. Thick, dusty curtains blocked light from coming in, and it bore an odor of mildew now. The stairs leading to the second floor appeared treacherous, their wood worn away and smooth. I realized it had been empty for an entire decade, but I got the feeling it had never been a very welcoming or homey place.

When Gojyo got to his feet, he lowered his eyes immediately, refusing to look around for even a moment. I kept my grip on his arm and whispered again, "Why are they doing this?"

He wouldn't answer.

Tanda strode to the other side of the living room, along with Maddi, and Samuiko and the other man shoved Gojyo across to them.

"Look there," Tanda pointed at the floor.

I made my way to stand with them, squinting down at the partially rotted floorboards. I could just make out a large patch of blood, turned brown by the years. My heart pounded, and I faced Gojyo again, but he wouldn't look back at me, or at anyone else.

" _Look_ ," Tanda insisted, and Samuiko jerked Gojyo's head up by his hair. "Do you see, boy? Do you remember how she laid there? She was a mother to you in everything but blood—blood you spilled by your own hands. Do you remember the way it felt to steal her life away, you fiend? You monster!"

Gojyo stared at the stain, teeth gritted, face twisted by horror. He shuddered, and I knew he was reliving a terrible memory. He tried to jerk away, but Samuiko and the others held him.

"What in the _world_ is anyone talking about?" I demanded, utterly out of patience for this sham of a trial. "What are you even getting at, bringing us in here and talking about monsters?"

Tanda knelt beside the stain, brushing his fingers over it reverently. "She was dead several days before anyone found her, but this is where Madame Sha breathed her last. When they brought me here, the maggots had already started their work, and we found a sword and axe lying with her."

Gojyo tried to pull out of their grips again, but they held him firmly.

Tanda stood up and faced him heartlessly. "Sha Gojyo, you've come back here and been given your chance to confess the crime, so you may as well take it. Tell us the truth. Tell us about how you murdered your mother and brother—butchered one body, hid the other—and fled like a coward. They may have only been youkai, but they were members of this town, and they raised you when no one else wanted you! This was your thanks, was it? Killing them in cold blood? Out of your perverted lust for brutality?"

"And my sister," Maddi-san reminded us loudly. "You took her life as well, your father's life. You ripped their lives right out of this earth the way you ripped the entrails of Lady Sha out of her body. Admit it!"

Gojyo mumbled, "I did not. I didn't do any of that…"

"Tell them!" I shouted, stepping to the head of the group and facing him all the more seriously. "Tell them the truth!"

"Even your ally implores you to make the confession," Maddi told him with a note of pleasure. "Listen to him."

"You witch," I turned on her. "You shut your poisonous mouth!" She drew herself up, sniffing, and I looked at Gojyo again, pleading, "Tell them what really happened. Tell them how she tried to kill you!"

He was gone though. I could see in his expression and posture that he'd utterly checked out. Perhaps the trauma of the memories he found in this place were too terrible for him to face. He merely murmured under his breath, "Hakkai…I didn't…"

Angrier than ever, I faced Tanda and Maddi instead. "What evidence did you bring us in here to look at? This pool of blood that dried up ten years ago? What evidence is there that Gojyo killed _anyone_?"

"As I said, there was a sword and hatchet close at hand. Lady Sha was dead already, Sha Jien had vanished."

"So you assumed a twelve-year-old _boy_ murdered them both and fled? You jumped to an asinine conclusion like, and they still made you the head of this village?" I laughed at the thought.

Tanda's eyes darkened. "Twelve-year-old demons can commit their share of heinous acts, and the curse of the Children of Taboo is something we've bore first-hand witness to."

"It's true," Samukio spoke up. "All through Gojyo's childhood I saw it. I saw how bad things happened to the people closest to him. I saw how the curse fed off the lives of Jien and his mother. I'd stake my life on it."

I whirled around to face him. "Well then you're a fool as well. There's no curse. It's a fairy tale made up by rustic fools like yourselves to scare children!"

"Hakkai-san," Tanda said with a fatherly note. "Maddi-san named you a witness to her nephew's character, so you have your chance to speak, but we do expect honesty, and we won't tolerate disrespect."

"Disrespect," I spat. "I've never seen such a disrespectful group of people. Dragging him in here to this place where that _bitch_ tried to kill him. It's heartless!"

Their expressions dropped into disgusted frowns. "Lady Sha was a good and gentle woman," Samuiko argued.

"Perhaps to _your_ face," I snapped. "Oh, yes, I'm sure that when you came by for cookies and milk back in grade school she was always kind to you. You want to discuss monsters, do you? Fiends? That good and gentle woman attacked her own stepson with a hatchet of all things!"

They shook their heads and mumbled.

Desperately, I turned to my room mate. "Gojyo, tell them!"

He still wore that horrified expression, like he'd fallen into a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. I'd have to convince them on my own.

"She spent his entire childhood abusing him," I said as calmly as I could. "In a small place like this, you must have noticed that. I refuse to believe no one saw the evidence of that, though it does sicken me that you chose to look the other way. You talk of justice, but one of the denizens you say you're bound to protect suffered brutalization under this very roof, and you did nothing! Do you deny that?"

They exchanged looks, but Tanda's voice was sickeningly apathetic, "The hanyou was hers to treat however she wanted. She did her duty clothing him and feeding him, but I didn't expect her to waste any kindness on him. Even my father didn't expect that."

My stomach twisted with hatred, but I merely faced Samuiko. "Did Jien feel that way as well? He of all people had the right to say what he thought of that. _He_ was Gojyo's next of kin, not her."

Samuiko gaped at me and took a moment to answer. He chanced a look at Gojyo, and his voice faltered. "Jien always acted like he loved the abomination. That's what he told me."

"Did they spend much time together?" I asked, half-sarcastically.

Again, he paused, but he nodded. "Jien spent more time with that evil brat than he did with anyone else. Gojyo was always tagging along everywhere." He glared at Gojyo, like that too was a crime.

"Why would Gojyo kill him? Tell me that. Literally the only person he had in this world who cared for him…or who was willing to provide for him… Why would he take it into his head one day to kill him?"

Samuiko's expression hardened further. "The same reason he killed any of the others, I figure. He's a hanyou—a hateful, perversity of nature."

"Well then can you tell me _how_? Jien was a swordsman, wasn't he? Every account of him _I've_ heard has told me he was a warrior. And he was much older than Gojyo. Can you explain _how_ an abused child managed to strike down what was essentially a grown man, drag away his body, and hide it?"

Samuiko merely repeated, "He's a hanyou."

I gave up on him and faced Maddi-san instead, feeling rather desperate. "You say you're not from this town. I hope that means you have more sense than he does. How can you blame an infant for the death of your sister? Where's the logic in that?"

Unfortunately, her cold response was just as illogical. "My sister lost her will to live after she birthed this abomination. If he'd never been born, I know she'd still be alive today."

"Are you all mad!?" I screamed. "You're telling me an _infant_ intentionally drove both his parents to suicide, and then killed what little family he still had as soon as he was old enough? You're telling me he has some evil powers that might have even _helped_ him in that?"

They only snorted and scowled, like I was the fool for not seeing it their way.

"Gojyo," I grabbed my friend's shoulders and shook him, "Gojyo listen to me. You have to tell them what happened that day. Tell them how she tried to kill you!"

He stayed frozen, eyes fixed, unblinking, on the aged pool of blood at his feet.

I brushed the hair away from his face to reveal the scars. "See this?" I snapped at Tanda. "She did this that same day. She did her best to tear him limb from limb, and when she failed she got an _axe_ of all things. She fully meant to hack him to pieces with it as far as I know—a _child_! As for Jien, he's alive. I saw him not long ago. Gojyo didn't kill anyone!"

Tanda asked calmly, "Well then how did Madame Sha die?"

"How? You're not able to deduce that on your own? Well, Tanda-san, tell me, if you stumbled into the room and found someone on the verge of murdering your little brother, what would you do? Samuiko-san already told us Jien loved Gojyo. If you found her dead, and both brothers gone, where do you suppose Jien went? Obviously, Jien's the one who—"

Gojyo clawed my wrist, digging his fingers into my skin so viciously it hurt, and I stopped short.

He was finally looking at me, a silent plea shining in his eyes.

I hissed at him, "You'd rather die than tell them what really happened? He's not ever coming back here."

"He still could if he wanted," Gojyo whispered.

"You're as insane as they are! I half-think you must believe you're guilty of this nonsense as well!"

"Yeah, well maybe they're—"

"Don't you dare," I snarled darkly. "Don't you dare tell me you're responsible for the deaths of all the people who were ever supposed to love and protect you. _Don't_."

With that, I looked at Tanda again. "It's utter madness to think a child could be responsible for these deaths. As I said, Sha Jien is alive and well. You'll have to use what little powers of deduction you were granted to understand what happened to his mother. Furthermore, this trial is tedious, and we have companions waiting on us. We'd like to leave your wretched town as quickly as possible, so tell me what I can do to convince you to let us go."

Tanda shrugged. "You're free to go at any time, Cho Hakkai. I told you that already."

"I'm not leaving without Gojyo. Do you understand? So you either tell me what I can do to resolve this peacefully, or I'll find another way to resolve it."

He exchanged long glances with Maddi-san. She replied, "I named you a witness, remember? Coming here and shouting your own biased opinions about what took place in this house ten years ago won't save your hanyou—"

"He's _not_ my hanyou," I spat. "Don't speak to me as if I _own_ him. He's my friend. My _best_ friend."

Her eyebrow quivered in ill-concealed disapproval. "The only thing you can do now to have any hope of changing our minds is to give us an account of his character. You don't seem to believe he could have done this, even though you weren't here at the time of the murder. Why is that?"

"If you knew him at all," I answered bitingly, "if you'd done your duty as his aunt, if any of you had been willing to overlook what type of blood runs in his veins and actually spent time with him, we wouldn't be having this discussion at all! He's been my closest friend, my house mate, and my traveling companion for nearly four years now, and I know him with thrice the amount of intimacy that any of you ever will, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he didn't kill anyone. He's not even _capable_ of what you're accusing him of."

They all just stared at me without emotions, and I knew I wasn't getting through to them.

I insisted, "All of you have said the same things about his family. You said they were _all_ kind, compassionate, _good_ people; you said that whether they were human or youkai didn't matter. You must have cared for them if you're willing to go through this—they must have inspired loyalty and affection in all of you." I turned to his aunt. "Maddi-san, your sister… I'll never meet her, but in my heart I know she must have been a beautiful and sweet woman, because I know her son. If you could look into his eyes and see something other than blood, I know you'd find _her_ there." Maddi turned to study Gojyo, and I thought her expression softened ever so slightly. "You should have taken him," I insisted. "You shouldn't have let a cruel woman half-mad from grief trample him the way you did. But you can't take it back now, so you may as well spare him further injustice and let him leave."

Next, I looked at Samuiko. "You say Sha Jien was your best friend. Believe me I understand what it's like to love your best friend—it can't be defined by anything the human tongue knows, because it isn't romance, or brotherhood. It's very much like finding a half of yourself you didn't even realize you'd been missing. I'm sorry Jien had to leave you behind—there are a lot of people Jien shouldn't have left behind—but Jien's the only one who cared about Gojyo, and he's the only one who put any effort into raising him properly. I assure you, the best qualities Jien had—bravery and loyalty and compassion—were instilled into his brother before they had to part ways. I _know_ he has them too, because they saved my very life."

Samuiko just stared at me, his lips parted, like he could hardly believe what he was hearing.

Finally, I looked at Tanda. "You're in charge here, and I respect that. Judging by your age, you knew Gojyo's father as a peer. For all I know, you were friends. You yourself remarked that even though Sha-san was rambunctious and irresponsible, he was well-loved. His less honorable attributes were forgivable, because he could always make you laugh, and he made you forget how awful life can be, and you knew if you needed him he'd be there, without asking questions or complaining, and you knew that when he did his best, it would be worth _ten_ responsible, serious, hardworking men."

Tanda gaped as well. "You…did you know him…?"

I touched Gojyo's shoulder. "I'm not a betting man, but I would be willing to bet you money that Gojyo's twice as rambunctious, twice as annoying, and twice as _valuable_ as his father was. The only reason none of us will ever know is because he let his irresponsibility get the best of him and died, abandoning the son who needed him the most, and that's something Gojyo would never do.

"You see," I softened my voice. "Unlike his father, and brother, and mother, Gojyo doesn't leave behind the people who need him. I know that because _I_ need him. I'd like it very much if you'd drop these ridiculous charges and let us go, but if you won't then please be aware: I would die for this man, and what's more I would kill for him."

Everyone stared at me. They glanced at each other at intervals, but they stayed utterly silent. At last, Tanda demanded quietly, "You're honestly asking us to let this murderer go? To allow him to get away with these crimes?"

"If I can't convince you he didn't do it with everything I just said, I very much doubt I can in any other way, but I must reiterate that these charges are absurd. Sha Jien killed his mother when she attempted to slaughter Gojyo with a hatchet, and then he vanished, and Gojyo's been looking for him ever since."

Under my hand, Gojyo jerked and snarled, "I said not to tell them that."

I merely smiled. "To me, that makes a great deal more sense, don't you think? After all, you all know she was abusive, and that Jien loved his brother. Is it really so hard to believe that things escalated? You can't blame him for any of that, because he would have rather died than let it happen. What you're doing here isn't justice, it's cruel."

I'd presented the soundest, most heartfelt argument I could muster, but still I feared they wouldn't listen. This wasn't a murder trial after all; he was being punished for being a hanyou. I stared down at the bloodstain momentarily, and I wished I'd been here that day. I wished I could have made the so-called _Lady_ Sha suffer for what she did.

Tanda drew me out of my thoughts, saying, "This is all a lot to think about, I'm sure you'll agree. Take the hanyou to the town prison, and I'll talk things over with the elders. In the morning, we'll have our decision."

Samuiko and the others tried to jerk Gojyo away, but I kept my grip on him, asking, "What decision is that, Tanda-san?"

"Whether he's innocent or guilty, of course." He smiled a little. "Whether he's to be absolved or executed."

"You may as well let him go now," I warned ferociously. "If you decide on anything _other_ than absolution, I'll kill everyone in this town."

Tanda chuckled. "If it comes to that, we may have to kill you too then, Hakkai-san. I'm sorry for that. I did give you the opportunity to walk away."

I clenched my fists, watching them for any sign of movement, looking for my chance to strike.

Sanzo appeared next to me out of nowhere, looking charismatic and composed, if not a little angry. He had his gun in hand. "Trying to kill either of these bastards would be a mistake, but threatening Hakkai…that takes balls."

Goku arrived next, standing beside Gojyo like he'd always been there, twirling his bo. "Yeah!" he laughed. "You must really wanna get your butt kicked, ass-face." With two strikes of his bo, he beat Samuiko to the ground and knocked the other man unconscious.

"What's it going to be? Life?" Sanzo cocked his pistol and aimed it at Tanda. "Or death?"

I practically shook with anticipation. After enduring that farce of a trial and hearing all the terrible, slanderous things they had to say about Gojyo, I would truly enjoy forcing them to eat those words. They thought they could get away with belittling and threatening him, but I wouldn't allow that. As soon as Sanzo's gun went off, I would finish these self-righteous savages with my own two hands.

Tanda and Maddi's faces both paled as they watched us. "You're fools," Tanda hissed, clutching his rifle tighter. "You're outnumbered." But I knew Sanzo would have him down before he could squeeze the trigger, and then Goku and I would annihilate the others. We'd tear this town down if we had to, and we'd leave it in the dust. We'd—

With a heavy sigh, Gojyo stepped in front of us and scraped at his hair. "Forget it, guys."

The three of us studied him. I started to object, "Gojyo, these people want to punish you for all the events that ruined your life." I thought perhaps he didn't understand, seeing how he'd all but gone into a coma once we entered the house.

Gojyo nodded and lit a cigarette, filling the room with smoke. "I know. And the four of us are more than enough to take them all down and rip this place apart."

Tanda stiffened at those words, and stubborn violence filled his eyes.

"If it's because this is where you grew up," I said carefully, "we don't have to raze it completely."

He raised one eyebrow at me, reminding me, suddenly, that I was being rather violent. I was acting more like Gonou than Hakkai. "Nah, it's not that. Nobody wishes this place could get scraped off the map more than I do. It's just…" he shrugged, "We've got more important shit to do."

"That's true," Sanzo said under his breath.

"For all we know, a band of youkai will come along tomorrow and tear it all down anyway, and that's the kinda shit we're trying to stop, isn't it?"

"Enemies are enemies," I said coldly.

Gojyo nodded and seemed to think about that, and then he just shrugged in that maddeningly flippant way of his. "Nobody ruined my life, Hakkai. I just got dealt a hand the same way everybody else did, and I played it and got what I could out of the pot. If these people wanna be mad at me forever for that, that's cool. I don't have time to worry about what they think, 'cause if I wanted to get my panties in a bunch every time some fuck-job came along and called me some racial slur and blamed me for everything that's ever gone wrong in their life, I'd just be a nervous wreck anyway, and I wouldn't have any of the shit I have now."

"They want to kill you," I insisted, but my argument was getting weaker and weaker.

"I know. And I know you won't let them. We don't have to slaughter all of them just because we can."

My shoulders slumped under those words. That's who I was, wasn't it? Killing people because I had the strength to… That was the behavior I'd been trying to run from, but I couldn't change the fact that it was part of me. It was true I wouldn't let them kill him, but did listening to them call him names and blame him for things he hadn't done really merit destroying them all? I guess it didn't…

Gojyo slung his arm around my shoulder and started to lead me toward the door, "Can we go now? I can't stand in this fuckin' house for one more goddamn second."

"Yes," I murmured. "By all means…"

The four of us filed out of the house. Sanzo tucked his gun away, and Goku let his bo vanish back into thin air. As soon as we stepped back into the sunshine, Jeep swept down from the roof, cheering, and landed lightly on my shoulder, nuzzling my ear. I petted him and greeted him quietly, and then we turned around to face Tanda and his party as they emerged as well, Samuiko rubbing his head and helping his comrade Goku had knocked out. The rest of the crowd lingered on the road, and I knew we were still in a precarious position.

"Are you going to give us trouble?" Sanzo demanded. "Or can we go?"

"This is a gross obstruction of justice," Tanda complained. "I can hardly believe a priest would behave this way."

"There's no justice in killing stupid kids for shit their parents did," Sanzo replied smoothly. "I have a bullet for everyone who tries it."

Tanda threw his hands in the air. "Fine. If you're all that willing to sacrifice yourselves and the lives of perfectly decent, full-blooded human beings for that monstrosity, then fine, you may as well—"

I struck him in the face so hard with my elbow it shattered his nose and knocked his front teeth out of his head. He hit the ground like a rock. The others around me jolted and screamed as they watched their leader writhe on the ground, but I just snarled, "I'll never wonder again why you have such poor manners, Gojyo—this town is full of nothing but _rude_ people."

Gojyo snorted. "Tanda's always been a jackass."

I kicked Tanda in the side and spat, "If I had the time, I would break every single one of your extremities until you apologized."

Tanda sputtered through blood.

"Hakkai," Sanzo said caustically, "don't make this harder than it has to be."

I looked up to see some of the villagers starting toward us nervously, like frightened sheep deciding to fight or not.

"Very well," I turned and began to walk again, grabbing Gojyo's arm as I went, but he stayed where he was, and I looked questioningly at him.

He turned back to Maddi and Samuiko and took a drag off his cigarette. "You don't have to believe me, Samuiko, but Jien's still alive. He's in love and shit, so I doubt he'll ever come back, but he's out there. I know you guys were buddies, and I know he probably misses you."

Samuiko lowered his eyes, ashamed of his appalling behavior I hoped.

Next, Gojyo looked at Maddi-san, that pained wince once again returning to his face. "Obasan…"

She drew herself up.

He strained toward her, like he wished he could reach out to her. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry about your sister, Obasan…" His voice fell to a whisper, "Nobody…wishes she was still alive…as much as I do…"

Those words touched the wounds inside my soul like a hot iron. To hear him of all people to say something so honest and poignant broke my heart, and I couldn't help remembering the people I had lost myself. I touched him, and he swung his arm over my shoulders, and we leaned against each other.

Maddi moved forward suddenly, something affected suddenly brightening her black eyes, and she reached toward him.

Gojyo flinched back in surprise, but she brushed the hair out of his eyes and cupped his cheek with a petite hand, and then she spent several moments staring into his face, while he looked back at her, half shocked and half-afraid. Her expression refused to flinch, as if she truly were searching his eyes for someone she had lost.

Finally, she whispered, "I'm the one who's sorry, boy. I was so hurt over her death…I didn't give her son the chance he deserved." She glanced at me. "Your friend made me realize that." She stroked his scars, and her voice turned unexpectedly sweet, "It was wrong of me to blame you. Of course it wasn't your fault, oi-chan. Of course it wasn't. Your mother was full of love—of course she loved you. She would have wanted me to love you, and I failed her. I failed you both. If I can't blame you, I shall never understand why she took her life, but that's no reason to make the fault yours. For all I know, it was my own lack of empathy that drove her to it…" Suddenly, she spun to face Tanda, who was just getting to his feet again. "I drop my charges. I suggest you drop yours also—there's not an evil bone in this boy's body."

With that, she picked up her skirts and glided away without so much as a goodbye, pushed through the crowd, and marched up the street.

Gojyo stared after her a long time, but I looked again at Tanda.

He mopped blood from his beard and waved us off. "All right, get out of here then. Take your friend and go."

"Thank you terribly," I said dryly, and then I gripped Gojyo's arm and led him away from the house. The crowd parted as we stepped through them, looking incredulous. Several voiced their objections, but no one was brave enough to stop us, and the four of us passed through without incident, turned back onto the road, and made our way through town, heading toward the western road.

By and by, Goku said, "Hey, we got outta that without a fight."

"Better enjoy it while you can," Sanzo snorted, lighting a cigarette, "it's probably the last time it'll happen."

"They were only humans," I said, drawing a deep breath and attempting to calm myself. Even though we'd avoided bloodshed, it had been a harrowing experience. It could have easily turned to violence, and unlikely as it had been, the possibility that it could have taken Gojyo's life did exist. I looked at him, but his face was impassive, as if he'd never been in danger.

Goku looked at him too. He opened his mouth several times, but stopped. When he eventually found his tongue, he asked, "So this's where you grew up?"

Gojyo jerked his head.

Sanzo berated him, "You could have saved us all this trouble if you'd just said something the second you realized where we were."

Gojyo accepted that without comment.

"Yeah," Goku agreed, but quietly, and I knew his sentiments were more compassionate than annoyed. "Why didn't ya tell us?"

"Dunno," Gojyo mumbled at last. "I didn't know it was gonna be such a big deal."

Obviously it was a lie. Goku frowned at him, but I shook my head, quietly advising him not to push it, and then he turned to Sanzo instead. "What're we gonna do about stocking up on supplies?"

Sanzo sighed, deeply. "Personally, I don't care to waste any more time in this dump." He looked at me. "What are the chances we have enough food to make it to our next stop?"

"Well, we're running rather low, unfortunately. And, you may remember, I'm not sure of our precise location, so I don't know with any certainty where our next stop will be. I think it's likely that if we don't purchase _some_ essentials here we'll find ourselves in an uncomfortable predicament."

"What?" Goku squawked. "Ya mean we're gonna go hungry?"

"I doubt that's acceptable," I answered with a laugh. "We might be able to forage berries and roots, but nothing substantial."

"San-zooo!" he whined, turning to our leader. "What're we gonna do! Hakkai says we're gonna starve!"

"Hakkai didn't say that," Sanzo muttered.

"Yeah he did! Ya gotta know how ta read between the lines with that guy!"

Sanzo and I both hesitated to look down at him, our surprised looks mirroring one another.

Goku jerked his chin at Gojyo. "That's what the kappa says."

"Well…" I allowed after a brief pause. "I suppose there is a certain amount of implication that goes into what I say… Still, Goku, I don't think we're going to _starve_ necessarily, just that we won't be able to eat our fill."

"It's the same thing to Goku," Sanzo said quietly, and then he sighed again, all the more exasperated. "Fine. We're in town. We might as well take the opportunity while we have it." He met my eyes again.

Automatically, I told him, "I'd rather not, Sanzo. I've had more than my fill of this place."

"Did I say anything about _you?_ I was going to say the monkey and I can go pick up a few essentials while you wait for us outside of town."

It was so unlike him to take any such common chore upon himself, it took me several seconds to decide on a reply. The idea was a relief to me, that Gojyo and I could get out of here before Tanda changed his mind, but I tried to maintain an accommodating disposition. "You don't have to Sanzo. I'm sure it wouldn't take me long to procure the things we can't do without."

He shook his head. "We don't need any more difficulty, and if you stay here I'm sure you'll wind up killing somebody."

I did feel close to the edge, even now. I looked at Gojyo, but he stared straight ahead, pretending not to notice, and by all appearances acting as if he were somewhere else entirely. If nothing else, I knew he needed to leave.

"Very well." I dug out my shopping list and handed it to Sanzo. "These are the things we need, in descending order of necessity."

He took the scrap of paper, arching his eyebrows at it, but my friends had long ago gotten used to my level of efficiency, so he said nothing about it. He agreed to take Goku and get the most important items, saying they'd meet us in no more than an hour, on the western outskirts of town, and then the four of us parted ways.


	4. Chapter 4

**At last, the conclusion. Sorry it took me a while to get this up—I had a hard time finding a decent way to wrap it up. Thanks for reading.**

Gojyo and I kept our silence as we walked. I couldn't guess at his exact thoughts or feelings, but I had my assumptions. All of this had been quite unpleasant for him after all, and I knew he had his share of things to hash out, things that perhaps he'd never come to terms with and now had no choice but to face.

When we were nearly out of town, we reached an intersection of sorts, and Gojyo paused there.

I stopped beside him, giving him a questioning look.

He met my gaze and jerked his head to the left, indicating the south-bound road. "C'mon, man, I wanna show ya somethin'."

"You do?" I felt my eyebrows shoot up. "I should think you'd want to get out of this town as quickly as possible."

"Yeah, but this'll only take a sec."

Suppressing a sigh, I glanced up at the sun. We hadn't parted ways with Sanzo that long ago, and it was possible he was going to give us some time alone anyway, so I agreed reluctantly, "Very well, but we mustn't waste much time, or Sanzo will be angry."

Gojyo nodded. "It'll just take a sec." He began to walk down the southern road, and I followed closely after him, not trusting anyone in this town to give him a break simply because of what had been decided at the so-called trial.

The lane grew narrower as we went along, and it was also decidedly peaceful. Very few people passed us, but they mostly minded their own business, and only a handful stared at Gojyo or whispered. Many of them were elderly, puttering in their gardens or carrying small baskets of goods. The old trees grew close together, shading the road, and thick shrubs hid most of the yards from view, but from what I saw, they were all well-maintained and full of flowers, and the houses themselves were small and quaint. A distinct scent of spring lingered in the air. I kept a wary eye open for danger, wondering why we were taking this detour, and I felt a bit impatient as time passed.

"I would personally like to leave," I explained when a few minutes had gone by.

"Me too."

"What I mean is, I can't understand your reason for delaying our departure, considering what just happened."

"Because I wanna show you something." He stopped so suddenly, I nearly ran into him. "We're here," he told me quietly.

We had reached a small cottage, painted white with a brown roof and trim. It was steeped in plant life, with maple trees clustered on each side of it and a large grove of oaks behind it, giving it a somewhat secluded appearance. A wooden fence encircled it, and the path running to the door was lined with unruly hedges. The yard looked as though it had long-since been neglected, and the windows were dark, and I got the feeling no one had lived here in a long time. Still, the grass was full of wildflowers, and near the front of the house, red roses grew up a wooden lattice. In a way, it was a mirror image of the house he'd grown up in—uncared for and forgotten, slowly being claimed by nature—and yet it felt much quainter and much safer.

"Picturesque," I commented. "I don't understand what we're looking at though, or why we're taking the time to do so."

Gojyo took his time answering. He rested one foot on the fence, leaning against it with his arms folded, and lit a cigarette. He mumbled, "I was born here. I think."

I looked the cottage over in a new light. It was certainly peaceful enough, tucked away in a pretty neighborhood. Not like the house we'd just come from. "Not in a hospital?" I asked without thinking.

Gojyo arched an eyebrow at me. "Really, Hakkai?"

Feeling foolish, I tried to explain, "I only meant…your parents… Your mother at least… Surely she would have wanted…to do what was safest… Not that midwives aren't a safe option… Still… I only meant…" Realizing I wasn't making matters any better, I stopped.

He picked up. "Like I said, I dunno for sure. I don't remember very much about being really little. I think they tried to hide it though. I think they tried to hide me."

In an intolerant town like this one, I couldn't blame them.

Drawing on his cigarette, he stared at the house, and I couldn't read his expression. "This was her house though. My mom. I can kinda remember being here with her. Or maybe I just made it up. But I know this was her house."

For a while, I stared at the cottage and its overgrown garden. It would have been a nicer place to grow up in than what either of us had actually gotten. To think, he'd had the chance at such a peaceful beginning, only to have it ripped away from him.

 _Much like myself._

Gojyo went on, voice quieter—grim almost, "Sometimes, I've thought about going inside to see if it looks familiar…but I think this is where they… That's why no one lives here now…" He blinked slowly, like he _was_ remembering something. "If I go in there…I don't know _what_ I'll remember. Maybe it'll be an early memory of my mom…or maybe it'll be… I mean." He lowered his eyes and flicked ashes into the grass. "I was there. It's possible I could remember them killing themselves. Right?"

It took me a moment to realize he was asking me a question I was so caught up in my own dismay. "Memories typically begin around the age of two or three," I murmured. "I suppose you might."

"Too bad." He kicked the fence. "I wonder if the house it just the way they left it."

"I doubt it, Gojyo."

"Yeah…" He rubbed the back of his neck. I was concerned that he was being so open with me just now. It wasn't unheard of for him to confide in me when something really bothered him, but even so, all that meant was he was quite troubled now.

"Let's leave," I suggested. "Sanzo may or may not take his time in the market—none of us want to be here much longer though, and he'll be irritated if we don't meet him on time."

Not that Sanzo would leave us in this particular place. If anything, he might think something happened to us.

Gojyo didn't seem to hear me. He took another drag on his cigarette and stared at the house, almost as if he expected the door to open and for his mother to appear. Abruptly, he said, "Sometimes I wonder if maybe it's true. Maybe they _did_ kill themselves because they were ashamed of having me."

It was easy for him to think that, I supposed. If they truly hadn't gone to the hospital for his birth, and they'd hid here in this love nest, and then committed suicide shortly after he began to walk and speak, it seemed possible. After all, hiding a three-year-old would not have been easy, and they would have come to the realization that everyone would put the pieces together as soon as they learned of his existence.

What a cold thing to do though, to leave him to the people they knew would detest him just to spare themselves some shame.

Never-the-less, he was obviously still distraught by this entire episode, and I didn't dare voice any of those thoughts. Instead, I answered softly, "I don't think so."

"Why not?"

I reflected a moment, trying to find something to tell him. My parents really hadn't wanted me—they'd abandoned us outright, and that action had been clear enough, especially since I could remember the day they'd separated vividly. I could easily recall being taken to the orphanage, if I chose to. There was no way of knowing what his parents had been thinking though. No matter who he asked, it was all speculation at this point. Eventually I muttered, "I don't know. I suppose I just don't want to believe that's possible."

"It is though. It's totally possible they felt exactly the same way everyone else in this town does." His voice took on a hard edge. "It's possible they got a couple years into it and just didn't want to do it anymore."

I looked sharply at him, but I made sure to keep an even tone. "You don't know that, Gojyo. You don't have to accept that as reality, and in my opinion, there's no reason to do so. You're only torturing yourself if you start believing that's what happened here."

He scoffed.

I gripped his arm firmly. "This has been a trying experience, and I think the best thing to do now is leave."

"Who even knows," he said bleakly. "Even if they'd lived, who knows if it would have gone any better for me? For all I know, they wouldn't have treated me any better than Jien's mom did."

"Gojyo," I insisted, pulling him with me. "Let's leave."

He refused to move. "Maybe nobody would have given a fuck, no matter what happened to them."

I sighed. " _I_ give a fuck," I hissed.

He glanced at me, expression dark, almost as if he didn't remember who I was or that I was there at all.

"I give many, many fucks. And I don't know what either of them would have done or why they chose the end they did, but I do know if they hadn't I wouldn't have met you at all, and that means I would be dead right now."

"Yeah, well isn't that kinda what you wanted?"

"It isn't what I want _now_. You know that. You know I'm glad to be alive, and you know I'm grateful for your part in that. It's understandable for you to be upset right now, but you need to keep the circumstances in perspective."

He didn't answer. Instead, he stared past me, back the way we'd come, frowning more than ever and chewing on his cigarette, eyes dark as wine.

I turned to look also.

Maddi-san stood not far from us, looking as austere as ever, chin in the air, watching us without emotion.

I stiffened at the sight of her, fully expecting more trouble, even after she said she'd dropped her charges. I refused to trust her or anyone else in this town.

Gojyo stood up straight again, taking a half step backward and throwing his cigarette down.

She moved forward, taking time in her approach, and I heard the rustle of her stiff skirts as she walked. As she drew nearer, I noticed she held a piece of paper in her hand.

When she'd gotten closer, I spoke up, struggling to be polite, "Konnichiwa, obasan… I'm startled to see you here."

Gojyo stayed perfectly still next to me, not speaking.

She too remained silent until she'd reached us, and then she looked between us with an air of uncertainty. At last she said to him, "I have something for you. I thought you might…be interested in seeing it."

Gojyo shifted nervously. "What is it?"

` Maddi-san hesitated, glancing down at the paper she'd brought with her as if she was having second thoughts, and it looked as if she was even shaking a little. "It is possible…you won't want it… It's not exactly a pleasant gift. It's…" She sighed and took his hand in hers, pressing the paper against his palm. "It's her note. I kept it."

My heart clenched, and I turned to stare at him.

Gojyo didn't seem to understand at first, and he stared blankly at her.

"That's morbid of you," I told her, with barely concealed outrage. "Why on earth would he want _that_?"

"Well, Hakkai-san—"

"If you had to give him something of hers, was it out of the question to bring something a touch more appropriate? A piece of her jewelry, perhaps? A photograph even?"

Maddi-san's face paled. "Yes. I see why you might think that. I…I simply thought he might be interested to see what she said… Her last words."

Next to me, Gojyo gave a start as he realized what the paper in his hands was, and he stared down at it, eyes widening.

"It was an unexpected idea; I can see why you might see it as insensitive. I thought you'd be leaving town quickly. I didn't know if I had time to find something more…" She lowered her eyes suddenly. "I'm sorry."

I glared at her. "Don't you think you've caused him enough pain today?"

"I'm sorry," she repeated, refusing to look up at me. "Still…I maintain that the words written there may prove to be more valuable than you expect." It seemed she had nothing else to say, for she turned away quickly and hurried back up the street.

We watched her go. Of all the thoughtless things to do, bringing him the suicide note his mother had written twenty years ago. Why would she have even _kept_ such a morbid article?

I faced Gojyo, afraid of what he might do now. He had already been exhibiting signs of emotional turmoil, and now if he read his mother's last words, I feared he could have an absolute breakdown.

He continued to stare at the letter in his hands. I was glad to see it was folded up still. It looked worn, the edges tattered. A woman's signature was printed on it in blue ink.

He had it now. I didn't know if I should attempt to talk him out of reading it or not.

As it turned out, I didn't have to. Gojyo shoved the note into my hands abruptly. "You read it, man. I can't."

"Perhaps no one should read it."

He lit a new cigarette and stared at the cottage again, face drawn in a wince. "Read it for me, Hakkai."

Slowly, I unfolded the note, studying it a while. It was blotched with dusky reddish-brown stains of blood, and the paper was turning yellow with age. Some of the words were fading, others were blotted out entirely, but if nothing else, it was brief. "Shall I…read it out loud?"

He shook his head. "Just read it to yourself."

Not at all pleased with the task, I read through the suicide note. It seemed she hadn't had very much to say, but it was addressed to Maddi-san. She talked briefly about her regrets, about her fears, and expressed a longing to live, and then went on to say that her lover had talked her into it. She went on some about not being able to bear the thought of life without him, and that she wanted to be with him in eternity, if she could. She expressed such contrition over leaving her loved ones—specifically her son—behind, my heart was moved, and my eyes even begun to sting. The last words written were, "please have mercy on our precious little boy and treat him as your own, and tell him I'm watching him from heaven."

A long moment passed, and I wasn't sure what to say. I could see now why Maddi-san had thought Gojyo might be interested in reading his mother's final words.

I turned to him, but he was still staring off into space.

"Gojyo, she—"

"I don't wanna know."

I hesitated, startled. "Yes, but I don't think it's what you're expecting."

"I don't wanna know what it says. I decided."

"Gojyo," I insisted gently, "it answers the questions you were asking me not ten minutes ago."

He wouldn't look at me.

"It's very tender. She explains—"

"No, man, no," he interrupted, somewhat frantically. "I can't. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything."

"Maybe it does though."

"No. No…"

I stood back a while, studying him, perusing the note again. She had loved him. Why should he go the rest of his life wondering if she had when he could learn that for himself this very moment? Why on earth was he being so stubborn? "Gojyo," I tried one more time. "Maddi-san was right. Your mother—"

He faced me, fiercely. "Stop it! I told you I don't want to know what it says!"

"Then why did you force me to read it?" I demanded.

"Because," he snapped. His furious expression furled with confusion. He scraped at his hair. "Because…I wanted you to know what it says. I don't know. You know now. I don't need to."

"You have it backwards."

"I can't deal with it, Hakkai! I don't want to!"

It wasn't often I saw him this upset or perplexed, and I knew I had to back off. "Very well then, I'll hold onto it."

His eyes widened with a strange element of fear. "What? No. Just throw it away."

"Gojyo, I don't see how that can possibly make sense to you. Later, you might change your mind and want to read it, and if you do, I'll have it."

" _If_ I change my mind, I can ask you what it said, because you read it."

"Yes, but—"

Expression darkening back to a glare, he snarled, "Dude, why do you have to be so goddamn nosey?"

Never mind that he was the one who'd made me read it in the first place, even though I'd been the one to counsel against reading it at all. What good did the information I'd learned do if he never heard it for himself?

"I don't know exactly," I answered calmly, deciding I needed to placate him as quickly as possible. "I suppose it's my nature. Also, I want what's best for you."

He continued to glare, but he suddenly snatched the letter from me.

I thought for sure he had seen sense and would read it, and at the very least it would give him some consolation after all this chaos.

Instead, he held the paper up in one hand, making sure to keep the text turned away from his line of sight, and put his lighter to it. I watched in disbelief as the paper caught fire. The flames licked up the letter, blackening it, eating away his mother's last words, and then Gojyo threw it down on the road and stomped out what little remained.

"Well," I murmured, "you destroyed your options, in any case."

He turned to me again. "They're dead, Hakkai. This note doesn't change that—it doesn't change anything. I don't need them anyway. Not when I have you."

His emotions were raging a bit erratic, and I wasn't sure I followed his thought process at all, but I certainly couldn't hold any of that against him, given the circumstances. Carefully, I replied, "I'm sure I'm a poor substitute for a parent."

"Why? You're a good substitute for just about everything else."

That was something I couldn't exactly deny. Aside from Goku and Sanzo, I'd substituted for his lack of genuine friends for the last three years, and I'd substituted for Jien as well. I even suspected that having such a close, personal relationship with me substituted for the fact that he didn't have a significant other—he likely didn't feel like he needed one when he could bed a different woman every night and then come home to me, knowing I'd feed him and do his laundry, and listen to him if he felt like talking.

I had no idea whether or not that was healthy for him—for either of us really—but at the moment there wasn't any changing it, and from what I'd seen, he had a good reason for harboring those sentiments.

Most importantly though, this wasn't the time to analyze our relationship and determine whether or not it was functional. He was obviously very upset.

"Can we leave now, please?" I asked. "I think I've had enough of this awful place, and I _know_ you have."

Not waiting for his reply, I grabbed his arm and began to lead him back up the street so we could keep heading west.

We left town and went some distance out onto the road, until the town had grown small in the distance behind us, and then Jeep transformed, and I got into the driver's side, and Gojyo into the passenger's seat, where Sanzo normally sat.

"He'll make you move when he comes back," I murmured half-heartedly.

"It's my turn," he answered in an equally listless tone.

"I was unaware the two of you were taking turns."

"We should be. No one should have to sit next to the monkey all the time."

I smiled wanly, and rubbed my eyes. The forest around us was peaceful now, and the light had brightened to a pleasant, buttery yellow, birds sang in the trees, and a refreshing breeze whispered over the grass and branches. All things considered, I was quite exhausted. I'd slept so little, and I'd endured such worry, I wished I could take some time to rest before driving all day. I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes.

"Want me to drive a while?" Gojyo offered.

"I think I can manage. Driving helps me get my mind off things."

He sighed. "Sorry, man."

"For what?" The sun felt good, soaking into my clothes and skin, and the air smelled fresh. We'd escaped yet another disaster, and I honestly couldn't think of a single thing for him to apologize for.

"I freaked out on you a little."

"There's no need to be sorry for that. You're upset."

"Yeah. But I put you through all that bullshit."

"Come now. It really wasn't so bad for me, in comparison."

"You were pretty tense there for a while."

"With good reason."

He continued to speak in a far-off, hollow tone. "You guys are right though. I shoulda said something…so I'm sorry I didn't. Maybe we coulda avoided it all."

I nodded but said, "None of this was your fault. Your apology is as absurd as my apologizing for getting us lost and bringing us here in the first place."

"You're not sorry you got us lost?"

"I suppose I'm sorry it yielded such a disastrous result, but for all I know we would have found ourselves in this situation regardless, so it isn't really anyone's fault. It's all chance, Gojyo."

He waited a long moment before saying quietly, "I never wanted to come back here… I never thought I'd have to. I've been so many places between here and meeting you, I couldn't even remember where it was exactly."

"I don't blame you," I told him softly. "It isn't a pleasant place by any means."

He snorted. "What about you? Would you ever wanna go back where you came from?"

I opened my eyes, staring thoughtfully at the sky. "To the orphanage, you mean? Well, I hadn't thought of it, but no, I wouldn't particularly care to visit that place again. For one thing, I wasn't exactly a kind person when I lived there. I suspect I'd have a lot of atoning to do."

"It's hard to imagine you being that big of an asshole."

I smiled to myself. "Is it really? I'm sure it still shines through from time to time."

Gojyo shrugged. "Not too much."

"Well," I laughed, "I suppose that's the difference between being around people you despise and being around people you don't despise."

Instead of laughing with me as he normally might, he asked quietly, and with shades of insecurity, "That stuff you said… The things you told them about me… You were just trying to change their minds, right?"

"Why?" I teased, trying to lighten his mood. "You disagree with what I said?"

"I dunno, man. I think _I'm_ the asshole."

I smiled again. "I didn't have to change their minds, Gojyo—I could have killed everyone in that room, and you know that. I refrained because you didn't want me to do that. You wanted to offer those undeserving people mercy, and I admire that. Furthermore, I'm not the one who changed their minds; _you_ did. When they saw how sincerely you wanted to avoid violence, they realized how wrong they were. Maddi-san even regretted a choice she made twenty years ago, and it wasn't over what I said, it's because what I said is true." I let the smile drop, and said earnestly, "You're special, Goj."

His face flushed with mild embarrassment. "Me? Nah. Dude, I'm just…"

"Just you, I know, but the point is, not everyone would be willing to show compassion the way you did back there. After the ways they humiliated and tormented and neglected you over the years, and the way they all turned their backs on you, it took a special kind of mercy to talk us into letting them off so easily, especially when you know all three of us would have been happy to shut them up. I almost resent that you didn't let me kill them."

He looked away, mood still grim.

"I don't of course. I need that. I know what I'm prone to, and I know how I get carried away with my own dark emotions. It's good to have a reminder that such unrestrained passion isn't always the way to handle something."

Kanan had been that way as well, I reflected. She had shown me the value of showing people a gentler side of myself. I'd never forget how she cupped my face between her hands and said, _"You and I both know how unfair and bleak life can seem, but we'd be juvenile to assume we're the only ones being made to endure such trials. Everyone has their hardships, and it's for that very reason, and because we have seen such tribulations, that we must always bear in mind compassion."_ I'd never forget the way love had brightened her eyes and pinkened her cheeks as she finished, _"People need that, Gonou. It's the only thing that can save them."_

When she died, I had thought she must be wrong, and that hatred and cruelty must truly be the only way to survive. I had despaired that no one would ever be able to show me that again or to validate the lesson she'd taught me.

But Gojyo picked me up out of the rain, and he'd shown me that it didn't even require all the intelligence and education Kanan had possessed to deduce such a thing, it only required an open and understanding heart, and a willingness to prioritize other people's solace above your own misery.

As much as I'd seen myself tending toward that same, tired, old blackness today, I realized now that I could never go back to being Cho Gonou. I could never commit such atrocities again. Not because I'd chosen a new name and a new way of life, but because I had someone in my life who could show me the way, as long as he was alive, and if I had any say in it, that would be decades still.

In a few minutes, I said, "No matter what they say, no matter how they've all lied to you, you _are_ unique, Goj, and you are valuable. I don't know anyone else like you."

"You're good too, 'Kai," he told me with unusual gentleness. "Maybe not to everybody. But…you're cool to me."

I smiled, thinking there likely wasn't anyone else alive I could be so generous and warm to. Even our companions could try my patience in comparatively short order. "I hope you're all right. I know it couldn't have been easy for you, going back into that house."

He heaved a sigh, like he'd hoped I wouldn't mention that. "I'm cool. I'll forget it in a while."

"I'm sorry I couldn't spare you from that."

"Yeah, well it ain't really your job, 'Kai," he said with some defiance.

"No. It's my privilege though, being your friend. Those sorry people in that town passed up a once in a lifetime opportunity, as far as I'm concerned."

"C'mon man," he scoffed. "You're embarrassing the hell out of me today."

"It's true though, isn't it? Even Maddi-san realized she'd made a mistake in the end."

I thought I heard him laugh, and that was a good sign. "Dude, can you imagine what a _stiff_ I'd be if she'd raised me? I'd have a bigger stick up my ass than Sanzo has."

"Ah, I very much doubt she would have been able to make you behave, seeing how no one else has ever managed it. It's more likely you would have driven the poor woman mad."

This time, the laugh was louder, and more genuine. "Am I that bad?"

"You're incorrigible. You must know that."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't know how you deal with it." He lit a cigarette, snappily, and lounged back in the seat, boots propped up on the dash, even though I must have told him a million times how I hated that. I'd allow it today though. I felt sure I'd allow him to get away with a number of inexcusable acts over the next few days.

I faced him again, watching as he stared around at the forest, beginning to look more relaxed, getting back to his easygoing self, and I felt impressed with his resilience as usual. I couldn't have done it, I didn't think. I couldn't have been dragged back to the place where I watched Kanan die and listen to half a dozen people explain how it was my fault she'd been killed in the first place. I shuddered to think about it, certain I would have gone mad on the spot.

As to the note, perhaps it was good he hadn't read it. In any case, he could always ask me what it said later, and I knew I would always remember. _Have mercy on my precious little boy, and treat him as your own._ I would never forget that his mother had loved him, that she hadn't really wanted to leave him. Perhaps she'd merely been a weak-spirited woman to allow her lover to convince her to join him in death. Never-the-less, she hadn't left this life out of a sense of shame. She hadn't hated the child she'd brought into this world. I could always tell him that later, if he wanted to know some day.

Maddi-san must have let her grief get the best of her to let her sister's dying wish go unfulfilled. She _should_ have taken him in—she must have known that all along—she should have raised him as if he were her son. Today at least she'd seen the error of her ways. I might always resent her, but I also pitied her. Like Dokugakuji, what she'd lost had become mine.

 _I'll do it… I doubt you really can look down from heaven, but…if for some reason you_ can _, I'll have mercy on your son. I'll treat him as if he's_ my _flesh and blood._

"Gojyo," I said.

He looked at me, nonchalantly, eyes bright again now with sunlight and security, drumming on his armrest lightheartedly. "Nya?"

I smiled to myself. _He's strong at least. If you can see him from wherever you are, you must be proud._

"I love you."

His eyes widened slightly, and I knew I'd caught him off guard. It wasn't every day we told each other that. He got drunk occasionally and babbled about how much he loved me, but I'd always been much more conservative in my affection. I couldn't remember the last time I'd said it—it was possible I'd _never_ said it to his face—but this morning, after the events he'd just endured, and the dreary memories attached to said events, I thought he deserved to hear someone say it, regardless of the fact that the actions I'd taken ever since we arrived in this town should have been as good as shouting it in his face.

He stared at me a while.

"You know that. Right?"

His expression flickered as he overcame the shock, and then it was replaced by calm flippancy. He shrugged and went back to scanning the woods with half-hearted interest and drumming on the armrest. "Yeah, man. Duh. I love you too."

I touched his shoulder. "If ever you _do_ want to know what she wrote in that letter…you can always ask me."

"Nah, I don't need to know. It's like you said—stuff went the way it went, and everything's okay the way it is now. Whether or not they wanted me, I've got you and the guys, and that's good enough." He appeared to think a moment, and then he suddenly turned and put his arms around my neck. "I'd way rather have what I've got right now than a really awesome childhood."

When I thought about my unfeeling parents, I thought I felt much the same, but he was getting back to being himself, so I teased him instead, wanting to draw him out of the remnants of his melancholy attitude. "You're being uncharacteristically sentimental."

He uttered a low laugh against my shoulder. "Yeah, huh?"

"That's all right," I pounded his back. "I won't tell anyone."

 _If you can see him though, at least you know you don't have to worry. At least you know he's strong, and he's with me._


End file.
